BFREE

B Diaries
2015-04-29 17:32:02 (UTC)

A lil over a month -Update

I love him :( I think. He can be so charming and sweet to me. He is good for the kids. They adore him. For the most part in public he treats me like a queen ( caters to me, respect me, show affectionate, gentler). I like that he acknowledges Christ and he does participate in church and church activities sometimes I got to make him but he goes:)I do see him trying to do things different so this relationship don't stay rocky then he just gets comfortable to me.

But when he is home I feel ignored, like he often tries to separate from me. If he do show me affectionate I feel its either out of guilt or so he don't have to hear my "mouth". He doesn't appear that good with money. He like to spends. He is a dreamer. He has mentioned quite a few unrealistic goals. It is a lil scary how he is easy to persuade or sale him an idea. He is addicted to weed, coffee, and porn.


I don't want him to sound all bad. He does come home every night when he want to hang with his friends its rarely club/bar/ lounge. He tries to be my handyman around the house. He cooks as much as he can and feel like it and its good. He is open about certain things. When he cleans he does it to impress me. He does a good job for the most part:)

I don't know what to do. If my friend was I and needed this advice I would tell her to stay engage but maybe wait another year or so. I know I am wrong to keep taking my ring off. I know he feels attack because my words never come out right. Maybe I spend to much analyzing him and trying to fix him thinking I know how cause of my educational background and experience. SMH. Maybe that is not such a bad idea to work on myself. He can be very selfish, lazy and nasty around the house but is it really worth taking off my ring. Why am I so angry, insecure, don't communicate well, don't take constructive feedback, don't take good care of my health and body, worry so much, cant sleep at night, over eat.

What is stopping me from doing the things I want to do. What do I want to do?

I think I will take this time to work on ME........




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