Vanilla

The Real Me
2015-04-24 10:11:35 (UTC)

Secrets and lies

Ive figured it out.

Ive figured him out I know what it is.

Or a strong incling of what it is, im shaking a little as i type this, and my gut is wrenching. Because i know...its what my instincts have been trying to tell me and I have been telling myself to calm down, to relax to let it go. but this entire relationship i have felt the fight or flight, a constant niggling at the back of my mind that "something is wrong"

7 months of lies. Wow just wow. Hs lack of affection, his withdrawal, his lack of sex, he isnt the cheating type i know that, guilt, but to an extent it sort of is. My heart is beating.

And its all thanks to this book..."his other life" The author was describing a marriage....but it was so strikingly similar to my relationship with Dr M.

She describes a guy Adam...he sounds like Dr M. Except i dont think the lie is that extent..its not the same lie. But he is coated with betrayal.

The lie is...i dont even want to say it. I need time to think about my approach.

I dont know if i want to hear it out aloud. I dont know if i want to pursue to find out or just get up and leave. Maybe i want to hear it though? maybe it is worth knowing...i dont know..is it worth knowing?