lilv13t402

Memories
2015-04-18 06:03:24 (UTC)

4/18/2015 - Doing Myself & I

Dear Diary,

I've always admired the relationship between TimothyDeLaGhetto & his gf Chia. They have a lot going on, but they keep it real when they're away from each other. It seems more relaxing and free of stress that relationships sometimes have.

Digressing - Today's Quote comes from two of my coworkers Susie & Harjit: "You will meet your prince soon. Look at all of us, first Kelsea, Susie, now Harjit! It's your turn soon, Janie. Trust us. You'll meet him."

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I get Rith's point now. This is the 3rd new ball game I'm playing, and it's so different from being with Hung or Dima.

I get a sense that there is a relationship, yet there isn't - feelings are there, the needs/wants, the conversations, the reassurance - it's there but less apparent.

Rith is giving me that space and time to heal, while silently being there by my side. He knows I'm craving - everything/the aspects of a relationship, yet his way of seeing it or helping me - is letting me be. Re-learning to do things on my own - makes me stronger - makes me yearn less for a relationship because in a way it is is always going to be there. Rith is always reminding me that he's here and not going anywhere any time soon.

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He got a little disappointed when I said I'd eventually stop missing him.
He didn't want that or for me to say that.
I asked if he'd rather I missed him all the time?
And he said he wants me to eventually love him instead although not now.
In a later comment when i was telling him about the program I'm going into for school - he told me now that I have time to myself, I get to focus on doing me and no one else.
And I get why he's been keeping up a strong barrier now while giving me mixed signals. Now I'm a little more clear of his intentions, I guess. This fact alone makes me respect him a bit more. His actions and distance, yet him staying encourages me to do more for myself at this point.

I'm happier this way. Most days now anyways. :)

Love,
Janie

PS - I bought my first car. My own money, under my own name, under my own credit score, under my own insurance.... Life is good. :)

PPS - Subaru Impreza Sport Limited 2015 = my dream car for the longest time. Now I have one.




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