Miracle

Miracle
2015-04-14 19:17:54 (UTC)

him

so idk I guess I want to write to get to my feelings out. but I only want to write about one thing and that's him. the guy I fell in love with i suppose ill start off just saying a little about him hes 16 so hot and your average guy likes soccer hes country sounds perfect right i mean it would only be normal to fall for a guy like that but the thing is ive never met this guy we met online witch sounds bad trust me i know ive been judged enough for it but we did and i wouldn't change meeting him for anything we met about a year ago and became the best of friends i would talk to him for and hours a day stay up talking we just became so close getting to know each other in the beginning i never planned to fall in love hell i never planned to even become his friend it sorta just happened hes so beautiful not in the pretty sorta way in the way of where his words have meaning and how he can make me feel so loved he really does make me happy hes told me that sometimes i make him feel like i don't care about him how the hell he could ever think that i still sometimes wonder yeah i don't always tell him when i cry but i know he doesn't always tell me either i guess i don't tell him cause i don't want him to fell sorry for me that and sometimes hes not able to always be there when i cry and why bring it up later it would just make me sad again when i talk to him its like none of it matters the crying and feeling hurt no one in my life has made me feel so beautiful and happy as he does now i know this is kinda all over the place but i don't care i wish i could show him how beautiful he really is how amazing he is to me if i tell him hes amazing he wont belive me and theres only so much i can do to show him with me being here but i plan to see him soon im so nervous what if he doesn't like me in person ill be some freaky fan girl haha maybe it will go well im still trying to figure out him and his feelings he says he loves me but other times he says its just puppy love that hurts a lot of things he says hurts me but i don't tell him cause i know he means well and would never want to hurt me tho he has in the past god hes made me feel pain ive never felt before that sounds bad but it means i care it shows i would do anything in the world for him he told me there has to be something i want out of this out of me an him and hes right all i want out of this is to see him happy i want to make him happy i want to take his pain and fears away i want to comfort him the way he does me to be with him isn't to use him or to hurt him not to get back at him i wouldn't ever cheat or lie i couldn't stand to hurt him i know i can never tell him any of this cause he will most likely blow it off and say well miracle your stupid for staying maybe to him i am but to me its all i want it really is all i want in life i want to marry him i want to go out on dates i want to laugh and watch him i want to sit at the table and watch as he cooks or talks the way he blinks an smiles the way he gets so focused on something watch how annoyed he gets when i start dancing and beg him to get up and dance with me watch as he throws his head back laughing telling me stories of his past i want to watch him sing with his beautiful voice i want to grow older and learn things with him and from him i want to watch as he puts the ring on my finger i want to remember the sound of his heart beat when i lay my head on his chest i want to watch as he dips his head down to kiss me i want to remember the warmth of his lips i really just want him i don't want anything from him not even sex i would never just use him for something as stupid as that i want to have sex with him yeah but that's really just a bonus and almost a honor its odd to think someone like him would ever want to lay hands on someone like me yeah someone so good looking and handsome would want to sleep with me when he could easily have any other girl but yet he likes me i know he doesn't understand all this himself and i know its a bit scary an confusing i don't really understand it all myself im not stuck in some day dream or in puppy love its real all this is real i just wish he knew how happy he makes me




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