Nadia

wet blanket
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2015-04-13 11:07:32 (UTC)

pointless waste of space girlfriend thing?

I just want it to be how it used to be.
When everything wasn't fucked up.
When you were fixated on me, when you were interested in me, when you loved me.

You know out of all the horrible feelings there are I have found there is no worse feeling than helplessness. Coming straight behind it is regret. Something about not being able to change the future really gets to me? the finality of it gives me the most disgusting feelings. I kept thinking that what if that night Jacob like... broke up with me.. what if that day that we didn't talk at all I had talked to him? would it have been different?
Helplessess. I feel it almost every day. He tells me it's him, he can't help how he feels, how he doesn't love me anymore. He tells me it's not me? Then what is it what can I fucking do to change this, I can change and see if that works, maybe he's lying when he says it's not me. What if I suddenly stopped eating maybe being skinnier would change his thoughts.

And when he shrugged me off and told me to start seeing Sarah again? are you fucking kidding me, what about you? why can't you fucking be there for me. I'm sure you're there for fucking Amy. What about your pointless waste of space girlfriend thing?


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