Vanilla

Hell and back

Mentally that is where I am. I am sitting here just marinating in my crapness. When its the working week I look forward to the weekend because I am so tired...because I think I will see Dr M...when the weekend comes he isnt around. And i feel desperate....to want to see him...and there isnt anything I can do because I cant have him see that I really need him. How the fuck did i get to the point where I need him?...I know.

Ive always needed someone, something a distraction. Because life without it is just a sequence of depressing memories that I would otherwise drown in...as I am doing now.Or more so actually sitting here and recognising who I am. This person. This reflection of a really fucked up person. The weekend is lonley....is makes me think..it makes me hate things, it makes me want to kill myself. It would be so nice to just die.

I am depressed...I know I am...I have been crying every...im losing it...it is so unbearable...so so unbearable...dont even have a fucking pair of scissors so I could cut...i havnt cut in years.