My Crazy, Amazing, Messed up Life
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2015-04-06 07:29:13 (UTC)


So today was fun. I got together with some of my friends for a few hours and we just talked and ate and had a great time. It was also a great distraction from all of the stress I have.
I don't think I have been more stressed in my life. I had a knot in my shoulder from it which I know doesn't sound so bad but it has never happened to me before and I couldn't even turn my head to the right because it hurt too much. When I'm worried about something I usually keep it to myself or type it down in this diary which a lot of people said I shouldn't do but I'm not the sharing type.
In the past, almost every time I have told someone my worries they either don't care, interrupt me or tell someone else and then the word gets out. With telling someone else and the word getting out a good example is my mother. I had asked her to keep 1 secret and she told my friends mum who told my friend and it got back to me. I was so mad but I hid it. There was no point in being mad at her. Instead I haven't told her a private thing since. She obviously found out when I got my period and I asked her again not to tell anyone which I knew was pointless but I did anyway. Within that day she told my dad and the next day she told my aunty.
And then only one of my friends has ever cared about my problems that I tell her but I think I have trust issues so I don't usually tell her either. But last night I was really upset (Think I'm PMSing) and I wasn't coping very well so I told her everything and the exact words she texted back to me were:

you should really listen to me more often if you don't want to get hurt and have all that shit that is going on.

I just said back:

Thank you for making me feel worse. I'm turning my phone off now.

I was so hurt by how she reacted and I couldn't sleep so I turned my phone back on and told her. One thing led to another and we were arguing. This morning when I woke up I straight away went to my phone and apologised to her and it is now 5:40pm where I am and I haven't heard from her since last night.
I also decided today that I would start exercising again so I just went for a jog and about 5 mins into I realised that I had actually sprinted from home and to a tree that I have always liked to sit in. So I lied down in the tree for a while thinking about how miserable my life had become and then I started to feel a pounding in my head as if it was going to explode and I could feel my heart speed up and I was dizzy and breathing hard. I don't know what happened but I kept jogging. Along the way now and then the same thing would happen but I would just try to ignore it and keep going. It happened 3 or 4 times during the 20-30mins I jogged and then I jumped straight onto here and it hasn't happened since I got home.
I don't know what it was. It might have been from the sprinting it might have been from the weather or it might have been because of my stress. But if anyone happens to know what it might be then please message me and let me know.


PS: Also if anyone knows a good book I should read please let me know. I am trying to find a new book to read. Preferably young adult fantasy but I am open to new things.