thisismeL

My Life In Surreal Colors
2015-04-05 14:30:23 (UTC)

Seaturtles and Penguins.

I haven't seen him since I was 18.
We haven't talked in a few months.
I know he doesn't care for me anymore.
So why do I?

When I was 16 I met a boy in high school. He was awkward, dorky, funny and cute. We started dating on 12-16-09 and for a while I was the happiest girl in the world. He was my penguin, my googlybear. And I was his seaturtle, his smoochypoo. Gross, I know. But I was on cloud 9 with him everyday. He never failed to keep me smiling, laughing, to keep me falling in love. He was the first guy I ever felt that was about. It didn't take long for me to know I loved him with every piece of my young and innocent heart. Things were fantastic until June of 2010. It was the last day of school for the year and I was so excited to be spending the summer with the "love of my life". And I'll admit that I was pressured into what happened next. Not by him but by people I was naive enough to think were friends. He came over before my parents got home and, as I'm sure you have pieced together, we had sex. We lost our virginity to each other. He then left before my parents came home. I was in a euphoric state. I thought nothing could bring me down. Boy was I wrong. Somehow my mom found out. I don't think I'll ever know exactly how but I'm going to chalk it up to her being a mom. She called him and scared the truth out him and then slapped it out of me. We attempted to see each other anyways but it was just too difficult. By the time I had started my senior year I had convinced myself that my feelings for him never existed. I started attempting to see other guys but knowing I was hurting him was too much. Until he started dating someone I thought was a friend. I was devastated. To this day to know that he dated people I thought were my friends still hurts. He even dated my now best friend. And in her defense she dated him before I did and we didn't get super close until after they broke up. The time after me. And even now at 22 years old I find myself wondering what could have been...All the plans we had, the love that was there. Was it a lie? Did my mind deceive me into thinking I was happy? Had we not had sex then would this seaturtle still have her penguin? Or would we have parted ways despite that? Was that heartbreak written into my fate long before I knew him? Or was it one I could have stopped? I know I could have stopped the 2 heartbreaks after him. But could I have avoided them all together by keeping my penguin?
In a parallel universe they are still happy in love. Taking on the world together, hand in hand.
Or so I like to think.....




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