Vanilla

Reaching out to all my ex's

I have never in my life felt the need to talk to any of my ex's

And now for some reason i feel the need to talk to all of them...I am a bit of a copy cat. If someone does something who is close to me and says it "helps" I want to see if it does too.

Him speaking to Sarah has effected me because:

a) He would never dream of hurting Sarah yet it was ok to hurt me with his lie and by "supporting" her.
b) I still have feelings for him despite his age and lie.
c) This pushes me to c...Im not ok with the lie and age but I still want him in my life so :
d) I have never been one to be bitter or take revenge but I want to see how it feels to be "validated" by your ex's.

The only ex I'm leaving out is M. Because I hate him, he means nothing to me.

But every other ex...they always had a special love for me because i was the love of their life. Just so I'm clear I am only contacting first ex and first love. Plus Jay who i already have contact with.

Because why shouldn't I? At some point these ex's...the decent ones that is, helped me through a lot in life. Were there for me when i was down and got me through the whole crappy ordeal I had in that moment in life.

Truth be told i have a strong feeling i am going to end up engaged/committed/married soon to or not to Dr M but this is my last sort of chance to reach out to them...after they reached out to me and i ignored them for so many years...

This is sort of it before i end up actually committed to someone, i feel like my freedom is slowly going away..