The Real Me
Who is Dr M?
Thanks Deena for making me think about this.
So DR M:
He screams "nice guy", there is nothing that threatening about him, he is more endearing if anything. he doesnt have that "bad guy" trait.
He is smart...extremely intelligent. He has written a medical book for revision to go from a trainee doctor to a specialist for gods sake.
How does he treat me?
When i first met him he was always very sort of distant, but i think thats what i liked about him, there was no desperation, there wasnt any chasing, any pressure, he was very calm, collected, laid back, funny and just "decent", but gave all the signs that he was interested in me, such as leaning in closer, looking me in the eye, laughing at my jokes, we just connected, i felt sparks and fireworks. Oh and EXTREMELY GOOD LOOKING with the queens english, just perfect english. Perfect chiseled face, lovely eyes, wouldnt say he had a great bod but he wasnt out of shape or fat. Very well dressed and confident, hence why before i asked him how old he was (he said 32) i thought he was 28/29 because he looked it. oh and a good set of hair, very dark jet black hair, extremely dark eyes, perfectly clear and milky skin. He looks a bit like Stefan Salvatore from Vamp diaries minus the muscles.
Anyway: when we started dating he took me to all the best places: the savoy , xo tower, me tower, private bar etc, obviously with time he started getting sloppy, he was always extremely tired when he did see me, for example he would fall asleep while watching a movie or a show, he would message me here and there (he did message me atleast once a day though) and for a while i felt like i wasnt getting enough attention hence why i felt suspicious...red flags, like something was stopping him from being with me. There were days were he was attentive he would hold me, hug me, look me in the eyes etc and other days he would act a little bit off. But he did always tell me i am amazing, fantastic, beautiful, smart and witty.
I guess that was it in a nutshell I cant say he was putting me on a pedestal and being amazing, but the past few weeks recently it has slowly built up where he started being more into me, more "in love". When I asked him where this is going...which i have always asked him he said "we will see how it goes...I really really like you, i cant say i am in love but im in between"...this was a month and a half ago. I liked his honesty.
Recently after this fuck up, he has been fighting for me. He told me he will give me the keys to his house (he has already suggested this before,) that he has fallen for me, that he think he may be in love with me. he sees a future with me, he wants to meet my mother and i can meet his friends and his parents. yesterday i was like fine i want to talk to your father NOW. He said he is a little stressed right now about the mortgage. I said cool whatever. he said no wait lets face time him right now. Then I got a little scared and backed out.
We have talked about the future prior to this. And he said he's not promising marriage straight away but he is hoping that this could lead to something like that.
Now: Well he isnt proposing or anything, but he has proposed his love for me. He has said we can make this work but its up to me, that he can make me happy, that I am what he wants, that i am his priority.
The thing is there is more to the story which i will add in later- he was stalked and harrassed by a woman for 4 years (he showed me all the proof, all the court papers, investigators proof, letters, emails etc) Which he said ruined his life and sidetracked him into depression and he lost alot of money in trying to get her to stop and take her to court etc.
So bottom line is, i fell for the man I saw in him, not for what i saw in front of me, what I knew he could be underneath. I know this sounds crazy, but ive always thought i am sort of good at analysing people...and with him i saw this guy who could be full of love, who could make someone extremely happy, he could be romantic but he had a lot of walls up because he has been hurt alot in the past. And i liked that..that he doesnt give love so freely, that he doesnt fall so easily and he doesnt feel so easily either. It was attractive to me, I like a kind person with a darkness to them.
Ive always been attracted to dark and challenge. He was a CHALLENGE.
Lets get this straight though , there have been many other men who have tried to shower me with "care", "love" gifts, trips etc but it has bored me to the core. With him theres nothing that isnt interesting, he keeps me heart beating.
So there you go. Crazy, barely gave me much attention but thats why i fell head over heels for him, the lack of attention. Obviously now that it has progressed i need to see that I have "won" him, now he needs to drop that lack of attention crap because if i dont feel loved by him i will just drop it and go somewhere else.
Did I mention how fuckable he was/is? God damn he was sexy, I get horny and a little wet everytime i met him, i wanted him inside me, even when Im a little angry, I want angry sex with him, because I love the way he groans and I just want his hard dick inside me. It makes it even more attractive how slighly innocent he looks, just want to sit on his face.