Vanilla
The Real Me
Sarah- His Ex
As for this ex issue...Sarah,
Even her name annoys me. Usually i dont let women get to me.
I guess i dont have a hate for her, because a part of me understands
but then a part of me feels enraged, like who the hell does she think she is talking to him when she's married with kids.
but then again it is HIS fault, this entire thing is HIS fault not hers.
Then a part of me feels even more pissed of and i feel like just telling her husband...no I dont have the guts to do that.
And then i think...who the hell am i to say anything? if she has given him support in his dark times and vice versa...how can i say anything?..if they both draw support and have done so for the past 10 years maybe its some middle aged bulshit? is this what old people do? just sit there and remenisce with each other and draw support. But the point is she has been in his life 10 years ive been in his 6 months. That shit is intimidating and hard to beat man.
The point is, if i choose to stay with Dr M, then i expect this Sarah to be gone if me and him get deeper...i guess not completely gone but the remeniscing bs would need to end...NATURALLY not in a forced way and if it doesnt then i will be gone.
And no it will be no ultimatum, i wont ask him to choose me or her because thats stupid as a choice has already been made. HER. DUH.
Bottom line is...that it comes down to happiness...if he is happy with me he will not even feel the need to contact her as more than just "You cool bro?" and if he does then there is my answer.
The thing is though...this is such a weird situation that I dont even know what Im meant to be doing.
He told me i wouldnt understand the "context" that it isnt how im thinking it is.
The problem is the fact that i actually do understand this context. You both are lonley as fuck, depressed in your actual lives and not very happy therefore you play a fantasy with each other of being together but it can never happen. I will never understand people as pathetic as this. Im sorry but I do find this pathetic. Even in my darkest hour I have never allowed myself to indulge into anything other than reality, i have left myself hurt and feel and cry and feel pain...but equally i have let myself get over it after mourning the loss of whatever im feeling. And to me this is cowardice, there is no courage or balls.
Sarah- Grow some balls. If your unhappy get up and leave, if you cant leave then LEAVE YOUR EX ALONE stop messaging him about how you made a mistake in your life and wish you had married him instead, he isnt yours anymore...he is slowly going from your palms into mine. If you made a mistake RECTIFY IT. If you want Dr M- CLAIM HIM, FIGHT FOR HIM, INFACT RUN THE RISK OF FIGHTING FOR THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE, see if he will take you and maybe your kids....seems unlikely now...but whatever TRY but for ffs GROW SOME BALLS. If this was your true love then woman FIGHT FOR HIM, ASK HIM IF HE WOULD TAKE YOU BACK, ASK HIM IF HE WOULD BE WITH YOU. But stop stopping him from living his life if you are not going to leave your husband for him
Dr M- Seriously just man up. IF YOU CARRY THIS ON YOU WILL LIVE IN THE PAST FOREVER YOU WILL NEVER MOVE FORWARD WITH YOUR LIFE. IF YOU LOVE HER THEN JESUS FUCKING CHRIST FIGHT FOR HER. ASK HER TO COME TO YOU, TELL HER TO LEAVE HER HUSBAND BECAUSE YOU WILL BE THERE FOR HER! JUST DO IT. I actually wouldnt even stop them both, because if this was the woman of his dreams, his soul mate, love of his life, heck I will actually help him achieve it. BUT IF YOU CARRY THIS ON WHEN YOUR NOT EVEN SERIOUS ABOUT HER YOU RUN THE RISK OF LOSING WHAT YOU HAVE IN THE PRESENT, YOU RUN THE RISK OF NEVER HAVING A FUTURE. AND IMPORTANTLY YOU RUN THE RISK OF NEVER HAVING ME IN YOUR LIFE AND LIVING TO REGRET THAT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE- exactly the way you feel right now but worse later down the line.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE THESE DAYS SERIOUSLY????
I know that I havnt walked in their shoes, but from the limited information I have this is what i have gathered. And heck this is my diary I allowed to give my opinion on this!
Maybe i will message Sarah, I will ask her ...if she wants to be with him...that it could be done..
There is something wrong with me. There really truly is. Why would i want to do this? what would i even get?....Dr M would be happy. Ew...this is sickening me....i mean my "niceness" my thought process...vomit.
fuck do i really love him? is this what people do when they are selfless? because in that moment i didnt even think about myself. This stuff is scaring me now.
Ok no ofcourse it isnt. I think I am just a romantic at heart. Hey if two people think they are genuinely in love then honey go for it...
And if you dont want her Dr M...then there is your answer....your doing this bs out of lonleyness.
I dont think I even care anymore. I think the care has left me. Care seems to leave me very quickly these days.
Maybe this is what married people do? Get bored of their relationships and then just seek a bit of fantasy on the side but would never truly leave their partners.
I am meeting him today in an hour...its decision day today.
I will update what happens tomorrow..