Porky Pieman

Pies, Puns and Filthy Thoughts (18 )
2015-03-04 11:39:19 (UTC)

I Need a P

Well I need three P's actually, Pies, Pints, Pussy.

It would be a bit churlish of me to just post my desires so here's some safe sex tips for those lucky men getting some, with a woman that is, your own hand, blow up doll or vacuum cleaner doesn't count.

Man’s guide to safe sex

1. Cover your stump before you hump
2. Before you attack her, wrap up your whacker
3. Don’t be silly, protect your Willy
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout
5. Don’t be a loner, cover your boner
6. You can’t go wrong if you shield your dong
7. If you’re not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8. If you think she’s spunky, cover your monkey
9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize
10. It will be sweeter, if you wrap your peter
11. There'll be no morning sick if you wrap up your dick
12. If you go into heat, package your meat
13. While you’re undressing Venus, dress up your penis
14. When you take off her pants and blouse, cover up your trouser mouse
15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker
17. Don’t be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18. The right selection will protect your erection
19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil
20. A crank with armour will never harm her
21. No glove, no love
22. No cradle to rock if you cover your cock
23. If you dip in her pool, cover your tool




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