LustingforNightmares

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2015-03-02 22:30:54 (UTC)

My Education Is Mediocre



March 2, 2015 Monday 9:31 PM


God, I'm so tired.

I went to Pat's today and she decided that I should have appointments every three weeks instead of two. We haven't seen each other in like three months, haha. But yeah, I think it was because I was pretty happy. I don't think I need therapy from her anyway. If I were to go to therapy, it would be to destroy my troubles with intimacy but I think that's a deep set problem that I can't undo with Pat. Maybe Peer Leadership can help me with that. I know I try to work on it, but with the new people, I get so uncomfortable and at the same time, there are some people (ex: Carrie) in Peer I have trouble being near. Just because they remind me of other times. Brock would be all, "That's a restimulation," and then he'd go on to explain to new people, "A restimulation is when something that is currently happening reminds you, sometimes unconsciously, of a past event and you end up feeling the same emotions you did when that event was happening."

It actually makes a lot of sense but Brock is so cheesy that I have trouble taking the things he says seriously sometimes.

And even if I do know that it's a restimulation, it's not like awareness will make the feelings magically vanish.

(I have not done my HW, fuckkk. I don't care. I really want to care.)

Me and Pat always end up talking about my education and she was surprised to hear that I have very little homework. I always complain that school bores me and she agrees that I kind of need a more vigorous education.

She told my mother about that and my mom was like, "do you want to homeschool?"

That was kind of an empty question, though. I mean, she could always offer it (as she has before, like after I got out of the hospital) but I don't know if it will ever happen. My parents have a habit of promising things, really meaning it, and then never doing it. It's alright. I actually kind of got that from them, though, and it sucks.

I would always turn down homeschooling, though. I'm not particularly social but if I spend that much time alone, if there is no reason for me to leave the house, I WILL get depressed.

Shit, I'm so annoying. I could be so good and so smart.

---

I think Adrian is trying to apply for the summer art program but I'm pretty sure the due date has passed. He said it hasn't. Hmm. I hope he's right, though, because if I get accepted, he definitely will and it'd be nice to have someone I know there.

I'm excited. Or nervous. I dunno, my stomach is doin' something strange. It's half annoying and half alright. I SUDDENLY FEEL SQUIGGLY.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ yup I'm done goodnight


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