LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
2015-02-25 23:06:39 (UTC)

'Twas A Good Day


"Anne Elephant" by Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin

[I can't understand the lyrics that are sung in this song, but it's so fuckin' cute-sounding so whatever. It makes me smile and wiggle in my seat aw]

February 25, 2015 Wednesday 10:11 PM

[for like half of this entry, I basically talk about books, sorry]

This font makes me feel like I'm using a typewriter. I actually like it a lot. Paired with the clicket-y, clack-y keyboard sounds, it's pretty satisfying.

I feel much better than I did yesterday, but I still stayed home. I kind of decided not to go to school last night because

1) I couldn't sleep, my anxiety was crazy as helllllll

2) I also felt super nauseas

3) Oh, and on top of that , I had a migraine

I couldn't sleep so I tried reading (which isn't easy when you have a migraine). Luckily, my book was pretty easy. It didn't have very deep meaning and it wasn't emotionally taxing. I guess that means it wasn't the best book in the world, but it was decent and the characters were well-developed.

I finished it. It was called First Day On Earth and it was by Cecil Castellucci. I kind of liked the main character. He thinks in the same format that I do, haha. My only issue with him is that at times in the book, he looked at the rest of the human race and said something like, "You guys are all sheep. You all assume I'm something I'm not and spend your days wondering what to shop for," or something.

I haaaaate when people in books say shit like that. The main character in Destroy All Cars did that and I wanted to fucking punch him in the face. How can you assume you know what's going on in people's minds? How can you look down on them for appearing normal?

How can you, if you're so logical and intelligent, believe that you're the only one around who gives a damn about the big picture? How can you write off the worries of other people just because there are more "important" things to be worried about?

It's just annoying. Otherwise, he was pretty humble and okay.

Now I'm reading Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk. I think this will be a book I remember. The writing style is so distinct and gosh, he uses so many pretty words. Just from reading half a chapter, I added a couple more to my Favorite words list:

Existential (I like how this rolls off the tongue)
Ennui (I had to look up what this word meant but now I quite like it. It's so cooool looking)
Hiatus (I don't think this was in the book, haha, I was just thinking about this word and I wrote it down)
Poignant (this word, I added awhile ago but I dunno if I put that here)
Lilt (same as the above parentheses)
Parentheses (just realized I really like the way that word is written)

I have memorized my mom's new credit card number which makes me happy. I would say it and everything but no one is ever as excited as I am when I memorize long strings of words or numbers without trying very hard :( :( :( Also, I mean, it's a credit card number and I can also recite that back number and the date it expires. I'd literally be giving money away, haha.

Anyone want her old one? XD

OH! Here's a quote from Invisible Monsters

"Most of my adult life so far has been me standing on seamless paper for a raft of bucks per hour, wearing clothes and shoes , my hair done and some famous fashion photographer telling me how I feel.
Him yelling, give me lust, baby.
Flash.
Give me malice.
Flash.
Give me detached existentialist ennui.
Flash.
Give me rampant intellectualism as a coping mechanism.
Flash."

Those last couple lines are my favorite. I imagine both expressions being kind of placid. The existentialist ennui one, probably wistful, and the next, maybe a little more concentrated and emotionless. Awesome. I fucking love it.

---

THINGS THAT HAPPENED:

Mr. Sandwich helped me out with my portfolio yesterday. He told me he'd teach me how to put my drawings on... I think matte board or whatever. And he also said one of my drawings didn't look finished. Ughhhhh. The bright side is, I don't have much to do, I just have to write the short response at the end of my application and then I'M DONE AND I CAN TURN IT IN, YESSSS.

I don't know exactly why I feel better than I did last night.

Honestly, I wanted to die so bad and today ????

Today, I'm better. I know of one thing that helped: I read an entry of someone's and it was basically her appreciating these teeny tiny things around her and it was sO ADORABLE AND INSPIRING that I just wanted to feel that excited about everything in the world. Even snow. I fuckin' hate snow, because I have to trudge through two feet of it when I get home (I don't have a house key because the last time I did, I ended up breaking it and half of it was lodged in the lock for several months). I like when it's snowing and it's nighttime, I like when it snows so much that we don't have school, I love when it snows even though it's warm enough for you to walk outside in just a regular jacket and nothing else. I like snowball fights a lot. Unfortunately, most of the time snow is gross and inconvenient and heavy and the temperature is either in the single digits, or it's negative. NOT TO FUCKING MENTION THE WINDINESS THAT IS UPSTATE NEW YORK. Canada can't keep its air to itself. Plus, I walk to school. I don't have to, but it's a long story that I don't feel like telling.

ANYWAY!!! My mom cooked me food and it was yummy. I spent like four hours doing a very detailed drawing and was very proud (normally, I am impatient). And I played a lot of minecraft and sang along to my songs. Ahhh, it was a good day. I missed school but honestly, it doesn't stress me out much because my friends won't bother me about it (I warned them I was going to stay home one day this week so I could finish my application) and I don't ever feel like I missed much. ughhh it sucks that it's almost eleven. That means I have to sleep even though my mind is all fast and hyper, anddddd I can't spruce up my art, do some last minute homework, or play minecraft (I waste my life on that game ugh).

OK goodnight.


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