Mimi

All that is
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2015-02-23 01:17:41 (UTC)

mcmc

Got home just over an hour ago, after spending the best part of the weekend with ch. I'm in love with him, that much is true. I've known already but what really cemented it was when we had a bit of a disagreement a couple of weeks back. I felt he wasn't making enough effort to see me and I told him that it made me feel a certain way. we talked on the phone, i cried over the phone, i felt like shit, he probably did too cos he emailed me a lengthy email explaining somethings from his perspective. this was useful for me to read and i guess also useful for him to write down. i remember receiving the email at work, reading it and getting to the part where he said 'maybe you need someone who can... we both know that's not me' it made me cry like a child. the thought that he was thinking like that - that he was asking himself whether we were compatible, scared me. he hadn't said anything that hinted at us ending, and in fact the email ended positively. but just the thought that his mind went there, was enough to make me feel a little rejected. So that night or was it the night after. i had a dream. In this dream cm and i were exchaning emails, and in one of the emails, he told me he loved me - except it wasn't an email, he somehow said it out loud. i remember feeling so much joy and so light when he said it as if it was all i'd been wanting to hear and waiting to hear, whether or not i was aware of that. i said it back to him and it jsut felt like everything made sense. i was so happy to be at the receiving end of the sentiment and then be able to return it. then i woke up from sleep. at first it felt so vivid that i was sure it had happened through my sleepy haze. then gradually i realised that i was dreaming, and felt a think sense of disappointment and irritation begin to set in. but from then onwards, i knw iwas def in love


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