I'm a grown woman who is fed up with feeling like a survivor and am beginning to embrace the victim role.Every day is a new struggle for me.I have to be honest with myself in order to keep existing.
When I was 3 I lost the only adult who ever loved me.I didn't realize it at the time,but she was my true mother.The one I was left with was nothing more than a soul less shell of a human being who to this day makes me wonder why she just didn't have an abortion.She has through my lifetime exposed me to danger,physically abused me,neglected me,and has made me feel like I was not a human being.She taught me how to lie,cheat,manipulate,and sell myself short.
My secubus met my good for nothing dead beat dad on a train ride back to her hometown where she was lovingly raised by a woman capable of unconditional love.When she met him she KNEW he was married to her cousin,yet according to her nothing mattered because his eyes were hard to overcome.I imagine it caused a lot of drama,which she thrives on,and pain to her family.I only know she was happy once I was conceived she says.Indeed so happy she thought it would be cool to celebrate by going to a party with a bunch of drug addicts who spiked her soda with acid that she unknowingly consumed!(not buying it).From my perspective that's when the abuse actually started.
I don't know anything other than what she has told me,but she says she loved me so much at birth that when a childless family member offered to take me off of her hands to give me a better life,she said no.To me that was the first selfish thing she did.I don't think she d wanted me in the first place,I've never heard of a random family member living in another country driving to a hospital just to see if she wanted to put me up for adoption if nothing was discussed!
The stories that she has told me about my father are always evil such as he wanted to spank you for crying at 8 months old so she thought it would be a good time to get a job and have this thing tend to me.I don't understand why she was so surprised to find out his way of amusing himself was to place me in the closet while he put on one of her tina turner wigs and sneaking up to the door,grabbing it open just to hear me scream in fear.
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