LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
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2015-02-16 14:01:50 (UTC)

Reasons Why I Should Be OK


"Think I Wanna Die" by Someone Still Loves You Boris Yelstin

February 16, 2015 Monday 1:03 PM


I feel like such shit, ugh. I pretty much just forced myself out of bed but I swear I could sleep for another couple hours. Fucking NyQuil.

I don't know what to do. I have vacation for the next week. My parents are both at work and I.... I should really be working on art but

I tried doing that yesterday and it was absolutely fruitless work, so. I don't know. It just doesn't excite me these past couple days. God! These feelings are so fucking inconvenient!!! Great.

Lately, I've been feeling stupid. I've begun books and found that I can't read it. I mean, I can but the arrangement of the words is strange and hard to see through.

Ughh, I feel so stuppppiddddd and shitty and hey, I think I wanna die a little.

Sometimes, it's not enough to remember that this is something I'll get through. Sometimes, I just wish I could stop feeling depressed "every once in awhile" (by that I mean most of every month, whether I'm on my period or not).

This is so dumb! What's even making me depressed? I have an awesome life and I know really interesting, beautiful people. Also, this year my mom has gotten a more stable job (the one she had before would call her with appointments and some weeks they would barely do that so she would get a lot less money). My dad was promoted and he should be getting a raise in a few months.

That happened around christmas and I didn't tell anyone but, yeah. My dad is a professor at a nearby college and he was recently promoted to Full Professor, whatever the fuck that is. I'm proud of him. He's so cool, inventing things and teaching courses about chemistry and biology and whatnot.

Or the combination of the two, I suppose.

it was frustrating because the lady on the board, who helps decide who gets promoted, didn't like my dad and my mom speculated that was why it took them so long to give him, my dad who is pretty much always working, his promotion.

Luckily his work hours are my school hours so I kind of get to see him? Maybe not really. Whatever. My mom started her job today and I think I'm going to be spending a lot more time
alone now.

*fights urge to cry*

Yay! I love being alone! Or at least, I love being alone when I feel fine! Ah why did I write. I'm goiung to go make food now.


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