Rose

Perfectly Imperfect
2015-02-12 01:54:54 (UTC)

The Ugly Truth

The more I think, the harder it becomes to decide---to know what to do. We say the words "Move Out" at first like it's something that will never happen. The hurt and problems are there and you feel it is time to move out and in anger you blurt it out. But you don't believe you ever could, so they are just words. There is a brief peacefulness from the angry, hurtful times....and then, Nothing changes. Back to the same unbearable bullshit we heap on each other. Our children hearing the hateful words we say to each other. Oh God! Hearing our shameful secrets

I don't recognize the girl, the woman, that has done the cheating, lying, disloyal, hurtful things that you scream out. How did she come to be? Who is she? Is she Me? Am I her now? Am I THAT? It seems like I am. But I know, deep inside...I know, that is not ME. I may have done some of those things, but that doesn't mean I am THAT!

Oh! God! The things my teenage girls have heard me be called and the filthy, disgusting way my wrong doings have been voiced.....makes me SO angry! And hurt. Sad. Tired.

I think worse than the words is the look in the eyes of the one screaming out my transgressions. Disgust. Dislike. Hurt. Sadness. Pain. Anger. A gaurded leeriness. Doubt. Disappointment. Disillusionment. Mistrust...................I CANNOT stand it! Every part of me, every fiber, screams to run. Run away from those eyes and ugly words. Run and don't stop.




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