Padfoot

Things I don't say
2015-02-08 23:22:46 (UTC)

What are feelings?

For some time I've noticed that I do not permit myself to show my feelings, which actually works but I feel like I can't open up to my friends as a "normal" person would because they can get more intimate with each other and you know show each other their feelings. When I was younger I would always get shunned or someone would always make me feel embarrassed about myself and I'd think about all the stupid things I did and most of them was the way I would react to the situation, by expressing my feelings. I'd be embarrassed to share my thoughts or opinions because I thought someone would come long and be like "shut up" or "you're stupid", those words have stayed with me til this day and has impacted me in a way were I don't show when I depressed or sad, I guess. I also don't like to receive hugs either, I think it's part of my insecurity, I hide a lot of my feelings and I hide that, yes, sometimes I do want hugs... But now it has become part of my personality to be expressionless because I'm such a "strong person who never feels sad or who never wants hug" but in reality I DO! I don't have the courage to show my friends that because I feel like they'd think less of me, and it's my fault...




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