Story of a Girl
Ad 2:
2015-02-08 11:31:31 (UTC)

New school, new marching band

This year hasn't been my best year with marching/pep band. I don't know, but I get the feeling that I don't belong. Everyone has their own cliques, & then there's me, the awkward potato sitting in the corner by herself. Last year was okay because Elías was there with me & our friends were all seniors. But now that he & the rest of the seniors are gone, it's just the juniors & freshman.. & the occasional sophomores. I still have Guy & Jazzminia but it's not the same because they're always busy with brass & percussion. I feel kind of nonexistent in this band... At the SCHOOL.

Now that we're not moving to Texas, I asked my mom again if I could switch schools--the one I was originally zoned for. The one where all my friends from middle school are. She said I'd have to ask my father as well, but if he said yes, then I could move. She asked me why I wanted to move, though.

It's partially because I feel like I don't belong at this school. It's also because I feel incredibly uncomfortable with some of the boys at this school; normally I ignore them, but it's just gotten to the point where I can't stand being in the same room with them because I just CAN'T. It's too uncomfortable. (There's also this kid that makes me want to kill myself & he's unofficially joined the band. It bothers me that he keeps coming to our practices & dheuwiaiaiwosk I want him gone. I can feel his stare burning into my back.) Not just that, but the people at this school aren't accepting. They have their own cliques & aren't willing to accept anyone different. Like Mari. Mari wasn't zoned for that school & many people treated her like dirt because she came from a different school. The people at the school are all ugly in the way they treat others & I just don't want to be in that kind of environment.

The school I might be moving to isn't any better. It has a REALLY bad reputatation (it doesn't help that it used to be a women's prison) & the police surround the area... but the band is GREAT. Like, holy shit. The band is considered the BEST high school marching band in the state, & that says something. I know I said I was done with marching band, but I think I only meant that for my school. I don't like the people in my band, but this band could be different. Since this band is the best, it's obviously going to be a lot harder & stricter than my current band. I'm gonna have to spend even more time after school, I'm gonna have to memorize more music, more events to go to, bleh. I think I'll be able to handle it, though. A bunch of kids from my middle school will be in that band, so it won't be so bad, right? I'll be with people who recognize me... AND CLASSMATES WILL ACTUALLY RESPECT THIS BAND. HA.

I'm not sure if my mom will like me being in band, though. She kind of hates me for doing anything band related. She doesn't say it directly, but she implies it. "Do you really like doing this?" "Remind me why you're a band student." "I don't see why you like this so much." "Is this really what you want to do with your time?" JESUS CHRIST, MOM. BAND MADE ME HAPPY FOR A WHILE, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME BE HAPPY? IT'S MADE ME HAPPIER THAN I'VE EVER BEEN WHILE LIVING UNDER YOUR ROOF.

I'm gonna wait until May; I'm going to email the band director to get all the information for band camp. I'm also going to email them to see if they can send me copies of the stand tunes I should memorize. That way, I'll get them memorized ahead of time & not look like a fool when I can't play them. I should also learn to do push-ups correctly because I feel like I'm going to end up doing thousands of them in the new band. Fuck man. Sometimes I hate marching band because of all the time it takes & how painful it is to high step & run all the drills... but at the end of the day, I somewhat enjoy myself & I always run back. It's a love-hate relationship.


Speaking of band, I joined this conest thing where you write a letter to this group & they give you a free instrument. So a bunch of people from my classmates joined & my friend Sam got selected. SAM got chosen but I didn't; it kind of pissed me off. He owns 5 of the same instruments, why does he need ANOTHER? Not to mention that he's broken each one of them. Your parents have the resources to get you 5 instruments, mine don't, so shut up & don't rub it in my face. I bet you're probably gonna break your new one, haha. You have four at home, you've broken a school instrument & one of your instruments is in the shop... If you break your new one, I fucking called it.

I'm pretty sure they only selected you because 1) you lied & 2) you've been playing longer than I have.