ApRilRangeRz

April
2015-02-08 01:27:51 (UTC)

A Teenage Story.

Dear Diary, tonight I'm going to talk about the past. Starting in 2006-
I was about 12 years old. My mom, siblings and I were living with our grandparents after our parents split up, dramatically(sp?).
I was going to a new school called Marry Orr Intermediate, but, when my mom found us a place in town I had to go to a new new school...Donna Shepard Intermediate.
When I went there, I was the average 12yr old girl.. wore whatever clothes my mom could afford. Hated sports. Listened to rock from my Dad and pop from the fact that I was a TEENAGE GIRL, lol.
Then in the middle of the school year there was a new girl, her name was Elizabeth.
She was so cool... she didn't care what anybody thought of her.
She had this sort of style that was like she came from a rock video! I wanted to be her, I wanted to look like her! I made sure I got to her before anybody else did. And we became best friends.
She showed me how to look cool and we had the whole school talking about us. In fact, they actually feared us! No one messed with us, they wouldn't dare! Together we would get into a butt load of trouble. She showed me how to sneak out at night and we would hang at the parks or steal beer from my mom.
She even got me to start smoking. We were terrible. She was my drug. I knew what she was doing to me but I couldn't give her up.
It wasn't till I was 13 and we both got into Worley Middle School that I started to notice how she was out of control..
It was only the 2nd week of school and she called asking me to bring my A.D.D. pills to school the next morning. And without question, I did it. She gave 1 to three other girls and took the rest.
There was no money involved. It was just a bit of fun I guess.
Till I got sent to the office.. one of the girls that took it had a bad reaction. And we all got in trouble, but Elizabeth and I got into more trouble then the rest. We all got sent to B.I.C. for 30 days, and Elizabeth and I went to J.J.A.E.P. for 90 days straight after.
At first I felt a rush (I got expelled from school, omg!).
But to impress all the juvenile delinquents she started being mean to me. Treating me like I was just her dumb sidekick.
And then making fun of me for being a VIRGIN! I was 13!! Did that mean she wasn't a virgin?! The thought of sex back then scared me..!
After I got out of there and was allowed back in school I found out that Elizabeth had been banned, and her and her family moved to a different town. I was kind of relieved.
Later that year I made a lot more friends (more appropriate) and met my first boyfriend! He actually lived on my street and hung out with my brother. He was pretty cool. He made me laugh and I showed him my poetry. He would look at me as if I was some sort of Goddess, that made me feel really good.
He turned me back to "good" and I remember my mom saying that she liked the effect he had on me. I still dressed kind of dark. Actually, that never changed. That kind of stuck on me.
I liked it to much. Anyways, we dated for almost a year.
We broke it off because his parents were getting even stricter and it was hard for us to just be, us. I knew they didn't like me but it got real annoying with them pulling him away.
We were fine until something changed in him. He started being mean.. and said stuff to OUR friends about me! We use to be really good friends before we were dating but that all changed. I didn't even know who he was anymore. He changed on me just like Elizabeth did. I felt...worthless.
So. I lashed out.
I started hanging out with this OLDER guy on our street.
He wasn't in school. He had his own duplex. He was so mysterious but pretty clear he was bad news. No one knew how old he really was.
I liked to think he was 18, maybe 19. I started skipping school to hang with him. We walked the trails around the park and behind all the duplex's at night. Got drunk multiple times and he spoiled me rotten with junk food, monster energy drinks, and would even take me to the mall. Somehow, he even won my mom over (of course she didn't know about the skipping school and such). The more I learned about him though, the more addicted I got. To him. I wanted to change him. He was like a puppy. A pit bull puppy raised by a bad owner.
When he'd hit rock bottom, I'd make sure his place was clean and his dogs were fed. And I would just take care of him.
I spent a good chunk of my life helping him.
But in the middle of that chuck we took a bit of a break.
Actually, I was mad at him for some reason (I can't remember) and just stopped talking to him.
When I started high school, I said goodbye to a lot of friends that went to Legacy while I went to Mansfield High.
It didn't have to be goodbye but who were we kidding?
High School changes you. You don't have time anymore for the outside world. They'd might as well leave the country.

The next love of my life was female. She was beautiful.
It didn't last long... but it was still fun. Different.
She opened my eyes to a new world. I was 15 and started my suppose to be college experiment.
But she was also in love with volley ball so there was not enough togetherness and she ended it. In a text message.
Those sort of things happen in high school. It's really lame.
Then I dated this asshole I met in A.C. (it's like Detention).
I have no idea what I saw in him. I guess it was the fact that he looked like Slash from Guns N Roses.
Anyways, I ended it with him when I found out he kissed my best friend Kara. Then he did the craziest thing and threatened to shoot up the school! Apparantly he had a hit list and I was #1!
He got suspended after that...
Here's another guy I dated.. he was still at Worley Middle School actually. But I use to have a class with him and I remembered he was so cute and really funny. He lived close to me but I didn't know where at till I went to hang with my friend Amanda and he was across the street! I guess I made an impression on him because a while later he came looking for me and asked me out during "hide and seek" with all the guys on my street.
Like any teen girl I thought I loved him immediately.
I almost gave up my virginity to him.. but then I realized we were in my closet full of my brother's toys and I was NOT ready!
He understood, I think. But he later broke my heart.
He broke up with me over the phone on New Years Day.
I was in the middle of Target with 2 of my friends.
His excuse was I wasn't religious enough for him. Ha!
I found out 2 days later he was dating some older girl from his church. She already had her freaking drivers license!
Plus, him-religious? That's a laugh.
I actually moped around for months after that.
Listened to depressing music and stayed in bed on the weekends.
It's kind of funny.. I went from having 1 boyfriend in 7th grade to dating 4 different people in freshman year!
4th being one of my friends, after the last one dumped me, a while later I started dating a friend of mine.
We dated till sometime after I turned 16. I was a freshman, again, and he became a sophomore. I broke up with him because, well, he didn't really act like a boyfriend. Nothing really changed from when we were just friends. He never even held my hand!
It was boring. I felt really bad though.
He was really nice and things were awkward after that.
That year was both the worst and the best.
The worst because 2 of my ex's were in my P.E. class... my first, and the guy that broke my heart. Ugh! Worst thing to ever happen to me.
But, my next boyfriend was in that same class!!
It was a long while before we started dating.
Actually, we didn't really notice each other that much.
He was in another class with me too, a math class for stupid kids.
We used computers. Anyways, I think it was "Superhero Day" when he started to notice me (and I started to notice him!).
I dressed up as Batgirl. He gave me his number after telling me he was planning on dropping out. He asked me out in a text message (lame).
And, for some reason, only 2 days later I decided to give him something.
What had happened was-we were suppose to go to the movies, so my mom dropped me off at his house. But we later decided to blow off the movies and just hang out at his place. His mom was there (actually she was his aunt-long story) but she wasn't in the room with us.
You see, I forgot to mention that during those first 2 days, I had been "sexting" him.. but I don't know why! I've never done that before! And so, when we were in his room, I gave myself to him.
For some reason up until that day, I wasn't scared of sex anymore.
I knew it wasn't a perfect, romantic setting. And I probably wasn't really ready. But I did it anyway. and about 2 times after that..
8 months later (still together) he spends the night at my new apartment (my moms). We had sex during the day when no one was home and it wasn't till AFTER that he decides to confess something to me.
He told me that when we first started going out, he was alone at his house drunk when his ex showed up unexpectedly.
And, well, he cheated on me with her.
It's 8 months later and he chooses now to tell me this!
Usually I'd think "once a cheater, always a cheater" but we had been together too long! I didn't want to throw it all away over something that happened months ago, but this something was HUGE!
And if I forgave him right then, what if he did it again?
Thinking he could get away with it again?!
I trusted him and that trust just shattered.
After that weekend my siblings and I went away to our dad's for the month of July. Still on hold from what he's confessed. I just didn't know what to do.
But I couldn't keep thinking about it because, I noticed something odd.

I missed my period!

I didn't think anything of it.. that month. But 2 months without my period got a little scary. Still technically together, I had to tell him what was going on.
I had to tell my mom and she bought me a test.

It was positive.

Life was over for me. In an instant. I didn't want it.
I wanted to go "zap" and make it go away!
I was still in High School! Know zippidy zap about babies!
And our apartment was teeny tiny.
But being a good girlfriend, I had to tell him.
I was hopeing he'd run the other way. Leave me.
Move to Mexico so I could make the decision on my own.
But this guy was not like other guys. He was ecstatic!
He couldn't wait to be a dad! He was throwing baby names at me, talking about getting a job and building a crib. It was sick!
Then when I thought things couldn't get any worse, he tells his whole family without asking me! He didn't care that they didn't approve or that they were disappointed. I had no choice. We were keeping the baby. And, in fact, staying together. After still wallowing in that harsh confession 2 months ago.

He proposed to me.

He is now my husband. The father of my child, our son.
We've been married 3 years. Together for 4. Life is funny that way.
I really do love him. I learned to forgive him and he has earned back his trust. Our son is turning 3 this month and he is a splitting image of his dad.

I'm not sure who all reads these diaries on here.
But I was hopeing this would attract some teenagers so that they'd know my story. And make better choices in life.
Not that I don't love my family. But this life isn't for everyone. A teenager deserves to graduate and fulfill their dreams.
Go to college. Save yourself for when you're in love.
And also, have fun (just not too much fun!). I hope this gets through to some people. It sure was a lot of typing!!!




Ad: