I Hate Myself Today
"Polly" by Gem Club
I need you now that you're gone
January 25, 2015 Sunday 7:26 PM
Ughhh, I'm probably gonna end up arguing with Olivia so much.
It's so stupid but she texted me, "j v" (j is my crush's real first initial *shudders* ew feelings)
and I jokingly texted back, "oh my god wow woowwwww"
She thought I was making a big deal out of it or something but that's not what I meant? So I basically just said bye and ended the conversation because I felt bad for making her feel bad and
at the same time, I was frickin' annoyed because she actually thought that that was a big deal???
It didn't matter to me because I am very self-absorbed today, very focused on being disgusted with my very existence so I don't have the time to be thinking about him at all. I am only focusing on the art school and my lack of talent.
People are so difficult.
Anyway, I just feel bad today and I'm writing for absolutely no reason at all because I am quiet inside and i just got out of the shower, where I was pretending to be a fountain whilst singing. I'm not kidding, I sang and then I filled my mouth with water and spat it out in a beautiful arc.
I want to peel my skin off and throw it away.
I get the most disturbing urges when I don't feel good.
(example: last week, I wanted to touch the back of my eyeballs because I felt so dizzy and crazy)
I really want to peel my skin off, though, starting at the eyes and peeling down, down, down and away. God, I'm disgusting.
I'm so gross.
I hate myself today. Cool.