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2015-01-25 20:25:37 (UTC)

I Hate Myself Today

"Polly" by Gem Club

I need you now that you're gone

January 25, 2015 Sunday 7:26 PM

Ughhh, I'm probably gonna end up arguing with Olivia so much.

It's so stupid but she texted me, "j v" (j is my crush's real first initial *shudders* ew feelings)

and I jokingly texted back, "oh my god wow woowwwww"

She thought I was making a big deal out of it or something but that's not what I meant? So I basically just said bye and ended the conversation because I felt bad for making her feel bad and

at the same time, I was frickin' annoyed because she actually thought that that was a big deal???

It didn't matter to me because I am very self-absorbed today, very focused on being disgusted with my very existence so I don't have the time to be thinking about him at all. I am only focusing on the art school and my lack of talent.

People are so difficult.

Anyway, I just feel bad today and I'm writing for absolutely no reason at all because I am quiet inside and i just got out of the shower, where I was pretending to be a fountain whilst singing. I'm not kidding, I sang and then I filled my mouth with water and spat it out in a beautiful arc.

I want to peel my skin off and throw it away.

I get the most disturbing urges when I don't feel good.

(example: last week, I wanted to touch the back of my eyeballs because I felt so dizzy and crazy)

I really want to peel my skin off, though, starting at the eyes and peeling down, down, down and away. God, I'm disgusting.

I'm so gross.

I hate myself today. Cool.

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