Vanilla

Gut Feelings

i have a gut feelings that something is up with Dr M, it has become stronger to the point where I cannot ignore it anymore.

Just so I am clear:

I dont think he is cheating
I dont think he is married or has kids

I think he may :

not be interested in me
he is gay.

I feel like something doesnt add up. Maybe i am wrong about my instincts as to which one it is pointing at but something does not feel right. I hate that I am feeling this way....but it has gotten stronger and stronger to the point where i cannot avoid it anymore. i feel sick inside. i do not know if it is paranoia or that something is going on.

in fact i know something is going on. I am panicking. I cant stop. I must know...i must either get him to admit it or I must do my research and find out before we get in too deep and I find out later.

I wanted this to work with him so badly...i know that this could end badly and yes it will fucking hurt because its been so long since i have liked someone. he seemed perfect...person wise he is what i wanted APART from that gut instinct.

I cant deal with this...i hope i dont panic...i feel panicky.

I am seeing him today. We are watching part 2 of the shakespeare play...that i bought for us. I need to somehow deal with it if its going to be over...i just have to know. Id rather know the truth of whats going on then sit here and keep feeling sick because something doesnt add up

What should i do?

Am i over reacting?
Am i maybe over thinking things because I have time on my hands
or is my gut instinct right?

That something is up?