hoseman1553

The Story of Me
2015-01-20 08:59:23 (UTC)

The scars of a broken heart

over the past few days, I've found myself more or less in a twilight zone of emotions. The constant physical aching of my heart still remains, refusing to let up or just go away. I did find that there is such thing as a "broken heart". The medical term is "Broken Heart Syndrome" and believe it or not, it can really fuck you up...who woulda thought? But thats a whole other story..The next couple of weeks are going to be tough, for many reasons. There are a couple social gatherings that are probably going to test my sanity (whether my wife realizes it or not) and will definitely solidify my decision on staying or leaving. The thing that makes it hard to even justify anymore is simply looking at my son..It makes me want to stay and keep this part of life hidden from him so he never has to experience the things I did growing up..On the flip side, I know its not healthy for him to see the absence in my emotion and the struggle I deal with on a day to day basis. I love my wife, there's no doubt about it. I'll never love someone the way I have loved her over the past 5 years, but there's just something different now. Every time I am with her, theres a catastrpohic whirlwind of happiness, sadness and anger. I know she sees my pain and even feels it, but I constantly have a lingering fear that I'm just going to go through this all again..I mean, it has happened twice already. Everyone says that time heals all wounds. That may be true, but the scars will always remain on wounds that were deep enough.




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