Story of a Girl
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2015-01-19 21:21:13 (UTC)

We miss you, Trey.

I miss all the little things; I never thought that they'd mean everything to me. I miss you. Yeah, I miss you.

Most people know it as Martin Luther King Jr. Day, the day where we don't go to school, but we'll always remember it as the day we lost a great friend.

It's been... what, 3 years now? It's been 3 years since we heard your last words. It's been 3 years since we last saw you smile a genuine smile. It's been 3 years since you last called us "kiddos." It's been 3 years since we last stopped by to visit you at the AM/PM that you loved oh so much, even if it didn't pay much to help you get through college.

It's been 3 fucking years since you put the gun to your head.

When I was washing my hands this morning, I saw your blood pour out of the faucet. I thought it might have been raining, but it was just your blood drizzling for a few minutes before the sun came out. I was so close to drinking your blood from my water bottle. Why was your blood being injected to all the little kids at the hospital today?

We normally dread this day because we can't help but feel that it was our fault. We could have stopped you if we hadn't left the room. We would still have our friend here with us.

I know you'll never get the chance to read this, but I think you would've been glad to know that El's getting better... He got worse when you left, but I've tried to help, & he's slowly getting back to the way he was before when you were here. You kind of gave him that extra push he needed. You ended up winning our silly little bet. (I'm saying, you're psychic!) He ended up graduating a year earlier because of your help, & he finally got past the level of Bomberman that you were struggling with. Cassidy isn't doing very well; in fact, she's turned to doing some dirty work... but El & I can assure you that your little angel is in good hands; she already knows how to count to 15! Cassidy still lets us babysit when she's busy working... She looks just like you. Elías took care of her once when Cassidy had work at night. She spent the night with us, & we had loads of fun. We built a pillow fort & made some s'mores out in the backyard! She loves chocolate, just like you.. You're not here with us physically, but we'll never forget you. I guess I'm writing this because I never got the chance to apologize for everything. I didn't think any of it would have happened to YOU of all people.. I don't know why it took me three years to apologize. I'm a little too late, aren't I? I couldn't have apologized while you were here, I couldn't have apologized when you left, but I finally have the nerve to apologize long after you're gone; I'm sorry.

I'm sorry... I wish I had known. I'm sorry I couldn't have done anything to prevent it. I'm sorry I didn't see all the red flags. I'm sorry for being oblivious to the entire situation. I'm sorry for not doing as you told me to. I'm sorry for having to witness it all. I'm sorry the world never found out how much of a great guy you were.

I'm so fucking sorry that for the first time in 3 years, the two of us won't be able to visit your resting place. One day, we'll visit you, & we'll have thousands of your favorite flowers waiting just for you. I don't think we'll ever forget you for everything you've done for us. Man, we miss you so fucking much. Take care, Trey. We hope you're doing well. We'll see you soon.

That happy, go-lucky personality you had was all an act, right? "You'll understand one day." Yeah. I do. I'm sorry I didn't know it before.

Hey Trey. You'd probably think we're silly for doing this, but ever since the whole thing happening, Elías & I spend the entire day talking about the things we could have done differently... We were just kids. But still. It feels like it was all our fault. We've been skyping almost all day, listening to the one song that reminds us of you. Do you remember what song was playing in your apartment when we came in? Last to Know. We've been listening to it on repeat all day. We're not sure how it's supposed to make us feel better, but whatever. It's a great song. We also dedicated this song to you. Lifehouse - From Where You Are.

I can see why you like Three Days Grace so much; I've fallen in love with their music, just like you did. I can also see why the lyrics meant so much to you. After three years, I've finally put the pieces together. I finally understand. I can't bear listening to this song now that I understand why it meant so much to you. All it does is make me tear up because I remember you--the face you gave me when you told me to leave.

I see red.

"I was the last to know." The only lyric that applies to me.

...Sometimes I worry about your girl. She never met her other half. All she has is pictures & the ONE voice message you left for her. I feel bad that she'll never get to meet her amazing father. Maybe one day, Elías & I will show her all the letters we've written to you, the ones you never got the chance to read. It's a shame. You've been forgotten already... Your own flesh & blood has never met you. Your own MOTHER has forgotten about all the things you've done for her. Your friends moved on. But we won't ever forget you. Never ever. I wish it were a dream.

I miss you, Trey.

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