z2smith

z2Smith
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2015-01-17 14:21:54 (UTC)

Today

Today I reflect back on the last 2 years and I thank God for where I am.

There were days when I would have tears rolling down my eyes on a cold Saturday morning in between barking instructions to my team (I am the manager of our church football team in a very competitive Christian League).

There was the day I was watching my beloved Formula 1 race and I noticed for the first time she had removed her ring – my heart was so heavy I had to leave the race and go to bed.

There were the days when I would I would see Christmas cards, birthday cards, presents for the children addressed ‘from Mum’ and I will sink into a new low

There were the days when I would just listen to Sade to keep me going as I didn’t have any strength to carry on….I wondered if the grief would ever let me go…I was the king of sorrow

Then the times when she would tell me that….’this ship has sailed’

There was the day I completely broke down….after a memory block during my exams earlier in the day. That was my lowest point….I woke her up and was srying like a baby…she told me to go back to bed and sleep.

There was the day during counselling that I just broke down and cried and cried

There were countless days while talking to close friends that I broke down with uncontrollable tears.

There was the day she reported me to police falsely for domestic violence. I spent over 18 hours in police cell before I was released without charge

There were countless provocations, insults and verbal abuse that I just ignored

There was the sadness I felt in my heart when she turned down all pleading to save the marriage

There was the period when I believed she was engaging in one way or the other with her boss (still do not know the full story) but I felt ashamed and little.

There was the time she refused all my gestures to meet up and go out

There was the time she deleted me from her BB list

There was the time she refused to wear the expensive wrist watch I bought her and gave several excuses

I felt deeply ashamed as she started telling everyone about how I lost money on sport betting, slept with prostitutes, remortgaged the house and sold a land property – gosh, there is no other way to see this. It is bad

There was the time I felt really angry as she continued to depict and portray me as a man who was reckless and nothing else


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