Watasumi Kasai

Complaining about shit
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2015-01-11 13:06:08 (UTC)

The me that's hate's everything and 75th entry!

I can't sleep, it's my fault for taking a nap in the middle of the day like that. Ah well. I should go take a bath, I've only had wash ups since before Christmas but it's cold and I'll probably just take another wash up. My hair keeps falling out. It's been falling out since November and it's really making me sad. My mom bought me stuff to use on it and I really hope that helps me. It's 6:40am and right now I'm feeling pretty down. I've got so much hate, sadness and jealousy in me. I'm upset that I can't monopolize all of his time (yeah that married guy) but at the same time I'm okay without him being in my life. He's still a really cool person though. I hate that I'm so useless and that I don't know what to do with my life. I gave myself until this year to find a guy and make friends but I'm so fucking done. I'm jealous of my brothers and their families. I'm just sad and lonely and I don't know what to do about it. I tried going to therapy but I quit doing that. I wanted to learn how to drive but I don't think I'll be able to do that. I have no confidence in myself. I don't believe in other people either. It's such a struggle to try but I'm not giving up just yet. I mean I'm struggling trying to try. It's ridiculous really and pretty funny also. I'm so pathetic, I feel like I already gave up on life and I'm just trying to inflate something with a massive hole in it. Oh speaking of holes, I some how or another put a fucking hole in my coffee pot. That sucks ass. I love coffee, now I need to buy another pot. That coffee pot makes me think about how I started this year, feeling like something had changed, feeling somewhat whole. Then BAM! Some unknown random thought popped in my head and I'm already ready to give up. All of my courage is falling out of me like the water from that hole in my coffee pot. Hahahaha God I'm still a child in so many ways. I wish I could pinpoint when my life started to fall apart. Hell, maybe it's always been in shambles and I'm just now noticing. I hate the me that hates everything and everyone. I don't know what the I'm even talking about.

On another note this is my 75th entry....great. 75 things of depression and useless complaining and "love" problems. I fucking hate life right now.

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