Lindams123

The Days of my Life
2015-01-08 15:24:59 (UTC)

unsure about feelings

Im sitting here again confused about my boyfriend being afraid to leave because I dont want to experience the hurt of leaving and the pain he will encounter. So I sit here. Take a deep breathe. Count my blessings. Hope for the next laugh to feel like we are a couple again. I really dont feel like we are at times like now... sucks so bad. I also feel he has always been unsure about me. Thats why he couldnt stay loyal. He has broken my heart one too many times and... He no longer cure my misery or perception that every man is the same. One adventure I never been on is playing the solo card. Yet, I still cant imagine myself without him. He sometimes cuddles me, loves on me, kisses me, amd life feels good again... :( only for a moment while Im in that moment... I soak those moments up because... I know it will not last forever. Engraving the memory in my mind like a vaction I know wont happen again... but when it does it seems unreal and fake... He would of never cheated on my with my cousin, girls on facebook, or hung out with them behind my back. I feel lost in my own dillusion that what happend really didnt happen. Because I chose to forgive. Did I really forgive? Is he real... idk...




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