Ad 2:
2015-01-07 08:02:06 (UTC)

Where we are

Where we are:
We have the final case starting on Friday 9th of January. This is the financial dispute case that basically determines how the assets and liabilities are distributed and any financial arrangements for the future (or clean break) are ordered by the court. We have been through 2 other court cases where (the first one) the divorce has been granted and (the second one) the court ordered the proposal for child arrangement I made and was agreed.

Financial Dispute:-
We can summarise the financial dispute into the following Categories:-
(1) Our Marital Financial Agreement
a. I was to pay household bills while she paid off our debts

(2) My Debts (excluding property)
a. Credit card and loans debts that are marital - I have arrangements in place to pay these off
b. Credit card debts that are personal – I have arrangements in place to pay these off
c. Other debts – Tax Debts, Overdrafts, Solicitor, Non commercial debts (i.e. money owed to friends and family)

(3) My Spanish Property Debt (Holiday Home)
a. Negative Equity
b. Home to be repossessed – I would need to enter an arrangement with the bank to pay off the shortfall.
c. Community Fees Debt – I will need to enter an arrangement with the association to pay this off
d. Others:- Tax, Utilities etc

(4) Other Property investments
a. Dubai Property – I lost all the deposit (Credit Crunch – Financial Market Crisis)
b. Florida Property – I lost all the deposit ( Credit Crunch - – Financial Market Crisis)
c. Land Property (in Emerging Market) - In place but need to get valuation and current legal status
d. Land Property (in Emerging Market) - I sold without consent of partner
i. I paid 78% of the purchase price while she paid 22%
ii. Money was disbursed as follows
1. 19% paid towards loan taken out for the (online trading) business from family
2. 23% paid to brother for his investment in the business
3. 25% of the money was used by me ( to run the business and disposable income)
4. 32% of the money was never recovered.

(5) Current Family Home
a. From inception I paid the mortgage
b. Partner made a token contribution towards the mortgagee during the initial period but just for a very short period (say 1 year)
c. Over the course of the mortgage term we have had a few remortgages of which I did 3 without the consent of my partner
d. I paid for all the related remortgage costs and interests

(6) Her Claims
a. Her contribution towards my debts she is requesting a refund
i. My Tax Payment she made – Money was paid from family savings
ii. Credit Card debts transfer she did to her own credit card – This is part of the arrangement we had for her to pay off our debts and the transfer was made because her card had a 0% interest for life

(7) Family Savings in her care
a. I have several correspondences where she makes reference to these family fund in her care.
b. She has transferred these funds to a safe haven to deliberately hide it from the reaches of the court
c. I have proof of correspondence from the foreign bank account operators
d. She used her brother’s bank account to transfer these monies to the foreign bank account
e. Her brother can produce his account statements

From above the only tangible assets available are:-
(1) The family home which had some equity in it
(2) The land in an emerging market of which we have no valuation or confirmation of legal status.
(3) The family savings

The liabilities are:-
(1) My commercial debts
(2) My Spanish property Debts

As anyone can imagine there are a lot of claims and counter claims. All these require getting documentary evidence for the last 16 years of the relationship. It has been going on for 2 years and I finally came to a decision yesterday. A lot of people would be upset with me because they believe I should fight rightfully for what I think is fair and let the judge decide how the assets and liabilities and any other financial arrangement should be ordered. I lost my job yesterday so when my current contract finishes in the first week of February it would not be renewed. When this happened yesterday my whole life fell apart. I realise that I do not have anything whatsoever apart from hoping I can get some relief from this financial dispute case. What about my debts and living expenses going forward? How would I be able to pay for this? What about my children’s welfare (maintenance payment) how would I be able to pay for this? How good are my prospects of getting another job? I am no longer young and frankly my skills needs refreshing to become marketable in the industry I work. Then of course there is a small possibility of me going to run my trading business full time in emerging markets but that requires substantial cash injection from investors which is still ongoing and there are no guarantees I would get this investment. To summarise it is a mess. I am exposed financially without any buffer or support from a partner.

It was then that I realise this is one of the moments that I have been talking about with God for a long time. A little bit about my faith. I am no angel and I have failed many times as a man and a husband but I love God. I just realised that my whole life is based on the implicit belief that God walks and works with me even though I continuously fail him. He goes ahead of me, paves the way for me and moves mountains for me. That is why I don’t scheme, I don’t play games and I am not devious. He works things out for me. I have a covenant with him. That is I will be his conduit, he would use me in my own little way to impact life. Specifically all my material gains would be ultimately given away. I want to be very successful in life which is my primary objective. That is, I want to attain all my objectives of getting to the pinnacle of my business, career and education ventures. This would also most probably mean material success and this would be where my covenant kicks in. I would give them all away.

Going back to my earlier point, although not yet successful this is one of those moments. The only assets I have (the house and land) I will relinquish to my partner. My liabilities I will take with me. Even though it may look bleak and dark and no way forward, he is ahead of me. I just need to do my part (work hard). It is actually an easy decision and an honour to do this. I just want to thank him for giving me this opportunity to be able to provide such assets to the person I loved for about 14 years and to the 3 innocent (and young) children caught up in all of this.

I will suggest the following proposal to the courts:-

Current Family Home – Transfer ownership to partner
Land in Emerging Market – Transfer ownership to partner
Child Maintenance payment – I will suggest an amount I would be paying - provided I have a job.
Family Funds – I make no claim to this
My Debts – She is not liable to any of these.
All other claims of payments and liabilities are nullified.

The court case is on Friday 9th of January. I feel at peace.

Yesterday, I made contact with my former department in the same company I work for and the signs are that they will offer me a contract when my current contract expires in February. Nothing has been confirmed yet but it is his hands.

My personal conclusion on the marriage is that I draw a line. There are so many areas and things to talk about. Several rights and wrongs on both parts in 16 years of association. From this day I move and look forward. What I am doing is irrespective of her and I would no longer get into any more wrangling with friends and family about comments or actions from both parties.