aska5291

Life
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2015-01-06 01:07:49 (UTC)

day one

Ive decided to keep a diary of my life for 2015. I'm 5 days late but in general things aren't going so well. New years eve a guy that once told me he wants to be with me but played my heart came to apologized. We did things that I regret ever doing. He knew my soft spots and he knew how to manipulate my emotions. At first I was pissed that he decided to talk to me. I figured out the girl he left me for dumped him. Later the next moring he told me we should only be friends. but we were never dated. I contracted a UTI from new year eve and I just wasn't in the mood for the crap. I asked him what was the point of the night before? he could give me an answer. looking back I realized that he only comes to me when he has girl issues. one night at 8pm he called me up all upset after he punched a hole in his exs wall. Me being the person I am told him to stop by so he can vent about it. I don't do that often for people, I genuinely cared for him. When I told him we can be friends just I don't want him touching me he said I had it all wrong. but I know I was right. I'm hurt. Ive been hurt so often that I gave up on letting people in, im afraid to let people in.
I haven't taken my medication in days, they don't help anyways. I still have the suicidal thoughts and I often want to act upon them. I want to tell people these things but I don't want to be a disappointment and I don't want to be thrown back into the looney bin. I hate school too. Ive been in three different high schools due to my unstable emotions. and since that has occurred im in stupid asshole classes with stupid underclassmen who have no interest in being civilized humans. The class is dreadfully slow and makes me want to shoot myself. the teacher is ridiculous and im so utterly bored. Its like being in a kindergarten class but with people more stupid. Literally there is only one class that is vitally important and that is English 4. Other than that thee art classes are bull shit, the modern world thing is displeasing, and being forced to take a foreign language is out of this world. IM AMERICAN I SPEAK ENGLSIH AND ENGLISH ONLY.
To sum it up, im heart broken, I hate people, my family sucks, im put down, school is over rated, and im sick of it all.


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