LustingforNightmares

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2015-01-05 19:48:48 (UTC)

I Am An Alien

"Silence" by Tell No Foxx

I will haunt you
I will break you
...
Electrical storms in my head

"Obsolete" by Tell No Foxx

Just close your eyes
And let me in
For it's been so long
In this cage I'm in


January 5, 2015 Monday 6:53 PM


I feel strange. Today was a day and I felt uneven. Things were slipping to the side, but I guess they weren't wrong.

"She was desperate and she was choosey at the same time and, in a way, beautiful, but she didn't have quite enough going for her to become what she imagined herself to be."
-Charles Bukowski

BOOKS I AIM ON READING:

(Currently, I just finished reading an interesting book called Everyday and I have begun one that is about a murder or something. I can't remember the name, but so far so good.)

The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

First Day On Earth by Cecil Castellucci

Destroy All Cars by Blake Nelson

Beloved by Toni Morrison

Feed by M.T. Anderson

This Book Is Full Of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It by David Wong

Ham on Rye: A Novel by Charles Bukowski

Factotum by Charles Bukowski

----

I am sad because in middle school, I read this wonderful book. I can't remember if it was all that amazing but my memories seem to think so. Who knows how accurately I remember it, but I do know I loved the story.

It was from the point of view of this alien slug who apparently invaded a middle schooler's body in order to study the human race before his species came down and destroyed them all.

So the whole story is basically this kid's body awkwardly navigating his life while his "real self" struggled to regain control. When he would tell people that he was really an alien, they would roll their eyes and think he was crazy (which makes sense).

As the story goes on, you gradually realize this kid has a messed up life. He's bullied at school and his home life isn't all that great either. I think he was abused.

  Anyway. I think at some point, a guidance counselor is trying to convince the kid that he is not really an alien, what has really happened is that the trauma he has been experiencing forced him into a dissociative state.

He keeps insisting that he is, in fact, an alien but starts doubting himself. I really loved it. I remember that at the time in my life in which I read it, I was deeply depressed. The novel made me cry but in a good way. It took me away, threw me into a small town and I was just there, in a gangly teen's life, trying to figure out who was lying: his mind or the rest of the world.

  I'm not going to give away the end. It wasn't a huge book. It was just cute. It reminded me of the book When You Reach Me. It gave me the same nostalgic feeling that I really love.

Anyway, I can't remember the name or author of the book and it's killing me!!! I MISS THIS BOOK SO MUCH and I want to buy it. I want to re-read it, I want to draw in the margins and underline my favorite paragraphs. I want to dog-ear the pages. I want to slip it in my bag and carry it with me wherever I go. I want to fall asleep on the pages and get kind of pissed when I wake up the next morning to find that I've bent fifteen of the book's pages like an accordion.

The cover of the book was green, the kind of green used to color in aliens. There was a black silhouette of a cartoon-y looking kid (only from the neck up) wearing glasses and he had antennae.

I think the author of the book was male but I am not positive. All I know is that the book was adorable and it is so much more than just words.

God I love books.

-----

Today, Sam said she had something to say to me. We were leaving lunch and I was talking to Adrian.

I walked over to Sam and she said, "I think you and Adrian would make a cute couple. You should work on that."

I am trying to look at that sentence in a rational way but the more I try, the more confused I get. I guess if I were not me, I would think then same thing Sam thinks. Or maybe not. I've never been outside of this body and I don't know how I appear to others. Some people call me pretty which is really nice. Maybe I am. I can never tell, though. My face seems to morph each time I look in the mirror.

I don't really know. My feet are cold and I have homework to do.

PS: If anyone has heard of this book, if you recognize it, please let me know. I really want to find it.

----

PPS: I FUCKING FOUND IT

I FUCKING
FOUND
IT

I
FUCKING
FOUND
IT.

I went to my school district's library catalog website and selected my old middle school and typed in the keyword ("alien") and then I scrolled down until I FOUND IT, YESSSS..

It's called Stuck On Earth by David Klass, fucking score, fuck yes.


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