LostWithPain

My story
2014-12-29 11:49:03 (UTC)

Painful Reminders

Hey diary, how're you? Wait I can't ask that because you can't answer... It's funny because people can relate to writing their emotions or problems but we don't really get any advice or help in return from writing, or maybe I just see in the wrong way.

You know what's funny? People try and control or try to be prepared for everything but it's funny because we don't even know what's coming tomorrow or the day after so people just assume. Did you know the biggest weakness a human has is the heart, that's right the thing keeping us alive is also our weakness. You see if we had no heart then it wouldn't be possible to feel emotions but then that would also mean that we can't live life to the fullest.

So every morning I wake up I'd feel numb, I wake up thinking about Sabrine. I wish I never met her so that way I wouldn't have to go through all this, yesterday seemed like I had been getting better but today it's just the morning and I already feel like crap.

It was my fault for allowing myself to care for her more than I should have, I just want to take away all memories of her out of my life so that I can be okay. Isn't it funny how someone who was so important can easily be the source of material in your life that brings you nothing but pain and emotional breakdowns?

I used to believe that once you felt a positive energy in your life that the feeling of being happy would last and you know what the worst part about all this is? I feel I'm breaking down into my own little world of despair, but maybe I'm just feeling like this for now... Usually I'd distract myself from my problems by watching Arrow or Vampire Diaries but all the shows I watch are on that mid season break.

Kris is trying to keep me together, she's the only one trying to help me so much and honestly I'm happy to have her by my side. My uncle is trying to take me to bars and to the city more often than less now so I'd feel a bit of distraction, that's funny cause two days ago I went with my uncle to the movies and once I arrived there I smelt the essence of the perfume that she used to put on...

So a lot of people usually have huge questions about life but I have a simple one, what is the purpose of life? I mean we're all just gonna end up feeling hurt, happy, sad, excited, shocked or just plain despair. I mean I know that in this life we are placed in the worst situations or pressured strongly by others so we can learn and experience but is that really worth it?




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