Vanilla
The Real Me
Hurt hurt hurt
I have to come to terms with it.
I have to just deal with it somehow.
God it hurts.
I got rejected by someone i thought was probably a very nice human being and he realised I'm not nice...im horrible....that hurts more knowing he thinks this of me. i wish he would just say something to me just to calm my nerves...just dump me to my face. tell me you don't want me or like me...god damn give me closure...but don't let me picture and envision a life with you. Or any sort of hope.
Not that there is any hope.
I must unfollow him from twitter...i know thats the next stage...because to me that will finalise it...finalise that i personally need to let him go..and begin the process of getting over it.
I feel sick.
Cant stop staring at my phone...
No messages...
why is it hurting a lot this time?...normally its okish.
i really want him.
No i don't.
Yes i do.
No.
No more hugs, no more kisses..no more watching tv together...no more of that couple shit...shopping together...back to me myself and i...back to being single. wow how short-lived was that relationship.
DR M :(
Please just say something...anything.
But don't do this to me..dont let me think.
i should have done it...I should have let him go before he realised how crap of a person I was. I knew this would hurt me...if he came to know who i was. Well here you go. Merry christmas bitch.
God I hate dec/jan...
Bad things always happen...i love how my birthday is coming up..how fucking ironic...i will be hurting like a bitch...or hopefully i will be over it by then.
Wish i could fast forward my life...
Will this always happen if i open up? if i get into a relationship?...are they always going to hate who I am? i don't want to look myself in the mirror and face who i am anymore...but who am i even meant to be?
Something in the universe just fucking help me this time. Just god damn help me.