Phillip Wilson

Amazingly, I survived my Life
2011-09-24 00:00:10 (UTC)

1993 REVIEW (PART TEN)

23-31 October, Louisville, KY (continues)

(acerca 4:05 P.M.) For lessons 5 through 12, I am pulling down an 85.7 average: the 67% I scored on Lesson 12 brought the tentative grade down to a 'B.' Lesson 11 was scored as a '90,' but that 'D' countered that 'A-.'
I am trying for a 'B' on the Physics course. I submitted the final assignment, Lesson 16, to the Independent Studies Department of the University of Alabama, by post, late this morning, shipping it from the Postal Services of the University of Louisville. Having pre-stamped it with a 29 cent stamp, I was 'billed' 22 cents in additional postage.
I got the necessary signatures and information as a 'Prelim' to taking the Final Exam. The Final is 50% of the grade, so I hope I can get at least a 'B' on it. The Mid-term is 30% of the course score, and I managed a 'B-' (80%) on that.
Assuming those uncountedfor four lessons (1-4) was 'B' material, I have a 'B' so far.
Four more assignments and the Final - I could sure use the 12 quality points!
'Success' is relative in yet another way: comparing where a person from where he/she had to start from. We all know the Name people in this world usually had filial support and encouragement. Those of us - and we are the vast majority! - who didn't had to begin after childhood. With such a late start, it is hard to compete with those already advanced when we have just reached the immediate level.
So please judge us by a different standard! It is so unfair to weigh us when we can never really catch up!
It is a cold, raw day, the chill imprisoned by the Overcast Scrim.
I obtained a U of L Graduate School bulletin. No telling how long I will be in Louisville, so why not pursue the advance degree close at home?

(28th, About 9:12 A.M.) Cold outside it is. And it seems as if Overcast will keep it corralled.
Instead of keeping the pantry and refrigorator stocked with food, Mary makes sure she has some form of alcoholic drink. Her excuse: the work at the Video Vault is intense and rough.
A drunk uses ANY excuse to practice his/her avocation. If finances were such to allow Mary to cease working, or cut back on the hours, she would stay drunk every day, and not be a home maker.
When I start working more next week, this apartment will fall into such a sorry state of unrepair! I don't want to honk my own horn, but if it hadn't been for me, it would have been insulting piggish around here! It was good that I had a slow work schedule. But that is changing, and the house will suffer.
Mary's job at the Video Vault CAN'T be worse than Buckles' workplace! And he seems to be able to function.
What about out at the fairgrounds? Sure, I'm moody; but in most cases the prevokers are unrelated to work stress.
To repeat, Mary has found a convenient excuse to overindulge. And like all drunks, she doesn't care about others, and neglect rules.

(acerca 4:27 P.M.) Maybe Muscle Memory won't let me down! I'm putting my faith in It: the Wind is too much of a Bully to allow for a practice session. I need a pair of juggling or sports gloves; my hands just can't handle Wind and Balls.
I fight the Cold with many layers of Clothes - very much restricting my mobility.
Cold and Wind prevents me from giving all my attention and energy to tossing around, so why let Them have Their Play? After 12 minutes, I cancelled the remainder of the Work-out.
Is this what we can expect from November? If so, I don't won't that Month round!
The Final Eramination Order is on Its way to Tuscaloosa, Al; and It will be traveling warmly (at least I assume so!)

(29th, About 7:32 A.M.) The essay for Step 7 of the Analytical Thinking from Experience contract is most challenging to date. I imposed a Saturday night deadline - who knows my upcoming work schedule? - and that 'push' helps some. But the 'review' of the application of Mime and Clowning to job situations is tough going.
I have a draft in hand. Maybe I can satisfy myself in two days.
I hope Cold is harnessed somewhat this afternoon. It would be nice to get in a regular juggle practice.

(acerca 2:26 P.M.) I had to take advantage of the weather! It isn't nearly as cold as predicted! In fact, it's rather pleasant out there! A little on the breezy side, but the dose of Autumn is just right!
However, snow flurries are being readied for tomorrow! In the event of a Hands-Bound day, I got in a 52-minute juggle practice this afternoon. It wasn't all that concentrated - I alternate from 4-ball, to Bounce juggle (3 and 4 ball), form Over-the-Head to trying for a 4-ball shower. But it was a good review, and an unexpected opportunity.
The sky is 'scrapy,' this incompetent labor of Phoebus and Wind, I bet. Which is why Phoebus isn't showing His Face much.
Today is the final Weekday of October 1993.
Do you realize that there are less than sixty days remaining before Christmas?

(acerca 3:20 P.M.) A Perfect Score on Lesson 13! If only I could 'disolve' that 'D' and 'C,' I could walk away from the course with an 'A-' (maybe)! I am a whiz at the concepts; only when math has to be use do I stumble.
I should wind up this Physics course by December, and have my Natural Sciences requirements fulfilled. In fact, I will have all the 'core' completed. Then it will only be a question of 'any direction I want to go,' as I chase B.A.

(30th) Something's wrong!
Dreadfully wrong!
I am not missing performing! When I went on hiatus before, I soon had to break down and satisfy the urge.
But that 'urge' doesn't seem to be active anymore!
Looking back, though, I can see that the 'urge' wasnâ't the love of performing: I was just following through on the need to escape Childersburg and mama. It was out of desperation and flustration that 'convinced' me that my place was as a Clown. To counter a very low self-esteem, to try and recue a 'whipped' Ego, I felt my contribution to Clowning was much more than it was.
A case of megalomania if ever there was one! Of course, we know that ALL cases of megalomania, bar none, stems from an 'escape attempt.'
I wasn't born a clown: enviroment forced me into it!
The Thirtieth of October 1993; so far I am content an 'above water' up here in Louisville, KY. Circus Clowning is my disturbed past, and if I submit to it again, I doubt if I will ever be able to move ahead. Teaching, choreography, directing, writing - and or all of these can be safely applied, but Performance seems a step back.
Saturday, cold and dreary; but, after all, today is Advance Autumn! If it was warm, and nice, would October be doing Its Fair Share for Autumn?

(acerca 8:36 A.M.) Snow! And it's more than flurries! Housetops are getting a Paint Job!
I take it back - October is most definitely doing Its Job. It is doing more than Its Job!

(acerca 3:58 P.M.) The Snow tried, but Checks was bound and determined to reach me. Thirty-nine dollars and ninety-eight cents resulted from the 10 ½ hours of Stadium Overhaul last Saturday/Sunday. I lost $4.65 in the transfer: I hope to recoup that and most of the other 'losses' early next year.
Finally the snow has stopped. It sure has been a bleak day, though. Not only has snow contributed to it, but the cold has been biting.
This is my introduction to the Louisville Snow. Many more and I will leave!

(acerca 5:58 P.M.) I 'submitted' that essay for Step 7 early this afternoon. It was a grueling assignment - the toughest piece I ever had to pen.
But now it's over, and I can proceed to my next project: studying for the Final. I am trying for a 'B.' If I can walk away with that, it will make this old man happy.


(31st, About 7:20 A.M.) Eastern Standard Time, one of the conditions November imposed was the Final Day would carry one of Her Hours to April 1994. As a result, there will be 25 sixty-minute periods today.
Why does November think She is so special? Or is She that Weak?!
At least, now Daylight won't be so slow about getting here each day!
The rooftops, trees, roads, yards, etc. are still Sugar-coated, waiting to be devoured by either Heat or Autumn. Cold is nibbling away at the moment, but Heat, like a Hungry Lion, will, hopefully, chase the Jackal away soon.
The day I have been preparing for since last Monday; a real Treat: I work this evening, and will be out at the fairgrounds more and more. The North American Cattle Show begins, and my Shit Shoveling Services is needed. Tonight and in the morning I will be clearing away the Flea Market in East Wing - I did that once before, remember? I assume I will be based in another station, though. Cows will be all over the Grounds - no telling where I will be posted.

(acerca 4:21 P.M.) Well, Heat infiltrated enough to steal most of the snow, even though Cold continues to hold on. The punishment is worsen by a Chill Breeze.
We are in Solitary Confinement; it appears it is up to November to get us out of this mess.
Some Trick this has been, Halloween!

1-12 November, Louisville, KY

(1st, About 2:25 P.M.) 1993's November is beginning Life as a Sheep. At least it looks like a Sheep (very sunny and clear, small cluster of Clouds here and there), it feels like a Sheep (a caressing breeze). But it may well only be a Wolf in Sheep's Clothing. Many Months have imitated Gentleness, Ease, allowing the People much good stuff. Upon gaining our Admiration and Alligence, though, we soon discovered we have been tricked and trapped.
No matter how many times Month starts the Smooth-Talk, we fall into Its Camp, knowing full well what will soon happen.
The First has an appeal about It, that's for sure! Even the Cold can be forgiven. As always happens, Month is free with the Promises, and actually does one or two niceties; and than . . .
It will occur! Autumn gets to Them all in the end!
I worked eleven hours, 8 in the East Wing cleaning up after the Flea Market, three hours in Broadbent, racking chairs while the West Wing crew dis-assembled the Hockey Rink.
$46.75, if I can get past the Highwaymen.
For some strange reason, Personnel at the fairgrounds is turning over the North American International Livestock Exposition Temporary Employment to Employment Services. I called the Personnel Office soon after I got in this morning, and was told I MAY get a call from Employment Services. As of now (about 2:25 P.M.) I have not had contact with Services. Of course, I napped this morning - the Phone rings futilely when I an under.
What they are saying is that hard work and dedication does not pay off. I have gone out of my way, beyond the call of duty, and is still overlooked! And I have been waiting for this show for five months.
In addition, I need the money (such as it is). For some reason, Mary has the cash for alcohol, but not for food. The cupboard is bare.
Am I, in essence, funding Mary's drunkenness? I can't afford to turn over Food 'Rent,' and then have to eat out damn near every night! With such a rapid Metabolism, I must start getting more food in my system!
The $37 a week Unemployment rations out isn't enough, obviously.
What excuse will Mary give if I broach the subject?

(acerca 3:38 P.M) Did the woman say, "They may CALL today!" or, "They may call TODAY!". The emphasis does make a difference, you know.
While awaiting a fantasy call, I am wasting a weather-sanction juggling practice. It may not have this chance for a long time, and it would be nice to take the plunge.
Although landing this job is important - how else can I bankroll the self-training?

(acerca 5:24 P.M.) You know the Kennedy bodybuilding manual? It's now a part of me. I can either accept or reject Bodybuilder as a sport; but "Hardcore Bodybuilding" will, for evermore, be behind any judgement call.
I also became acquainted with some Kinesiology. Bodybuilding is not known to focus around that name-calling, but the fact that body parts (thighs, deltoids, Lats, pecs, etc.) are associated with specific 'exercises' automatically creates a marriage between Kinesiology and Bodybuilding.
I was conscious and standing on guard by the telephone at 10:30 A.M., this morning. No job offer came through. So I am once again in the market for one. Any takers?
Monday, Louisville, KY.: I just thought I would remind you of that.

(acerca 8:13 P.M.) A 83 on Lesson 14, a 70 on Lesson 15, and my average is unofficially down to 85.3 - a 'B,' but I sure would like more. I could have sworn the answers I incorrectly applied were the right responses! I guess I was too sententious, however - even the 'instructor,' Dr, Chester Alexander, Jr., commented on that 'fault.'
It didn't work! I had hoped to divert attention away from my ignorance by use of the method. Though it is not a philosophy course - it is Physics.
As always, the math did me in, not the concept. For some reason, math wants nothing to do with me.
We went out to eat; I trust this won't become a nightly habit.

(2nd, Before 8:00 A.M.) It was amazing, the reception given me by the West Wing crew when I reported to Broadbent to help with the taking down of Ice Rink, Sunday morning. Clarence Brumbach, Jr., (the supervisor) and Joe (foreman) began it: those two exchanged low-level comments as I was approaching them. My ex colleagues shuned me. James Cleveland, the cause of my dismissal, smirked. Danny, on forklift, was smart assy and bossy.
Tim, the newest 'cast' member (he wasn't there when I was with West Wing), and 2 or 3 Petty Cashers, were the only ones civil to me.
I am not stating a 'why?'; I am just telling you like it is. This is the way non-team members are treated. The level of people who work at the fairgrounds are such that they desperately need the feedback of bossing 'underlings.' If one become a team player, one, in effect, willingly submits to this policy. Independents, however, are dissuaded from sticking around.
I doubt seriously if, even if I wanted to, I ever get reassigned. My reputation has been tarnished too badly. As long as I can be 'hired' for now-and-then service, I really don't care. I can handle the Part-time crew better, anyway.
November 2, 1993, a clear, bright Tuesday - at least the pre-8:00 A.M. day is.
I am squeezing all that I can from Louisville, KY. Besides the alienation I am subjected to at the fairgrounds, I am sensing it from Buckles and Mary. It's nothing blatant, just a inchoate feeling of, Here it comes!
I had wanted the connection with the North American, but my Work-team dysfunction will, no doubt, exclude me; so I must adapt my plans to the latest developments.
The University of Louisville has an excellent Master's Degree program in the Humanities, which could very well insure a lengthy Louisville stay for me. But the possibility that I will split on from Buckles and Mary is growing by the day. I seem to be outgrowing them.
Maybe it's the rejection by Employment Services! That could explain why my outlook. It is highly likely all this exist everywhere. I may as well learn to accept it - I am not going to return to Alabama residency!

(acerca 7:40 P.M.) Supposively a Bill Geason, an associate with Employment Services, called. But it was YESTERDAY morning! Mary got in touch with the Answering Services this evening. (Why she didn't yesterday evening I have no idea! However, I can't pass the blame this time - there is no reason I couldn't have found out from the Service this information.)
I will call the number (636-0690) tomorrow: maybe there's still a chance. A slight chance.
For my remaining weeks in Louisville, I will be living on $37 a week. It will be a test of budgeting and scrimping, a valuable experience on simple living. It will mean cutting out attendance to concerts, operas, balers. I will really sample bestial life!
Speaking of concerts, what is most likely my final Louisville Orchestra attendance is Thursday morning, Row B, seat 21, the Orchestra section, 10:30 A.M. The ticket was $11.50.
I have tasted the opera, the ballet, and the orchestra in Louisville, KY. Now, I am ready for a larger city.
Chicago? Cinncinati? St. Louis? Maybe Fort Worth, TX. My 'credit' with Unemployment is good for 5-6 months. That should give me more than enough time to tie up my residency in Louisville.
Just when I was establishing the momentum for writing and study, Poverty cancells the program. I hope the funds are not long in coming - as we know, momentum is harder and harder to build when age is the Supervisor.
I also count of Muscle Memory: it has been four days since I have practice. I was beginning to connect, until Cold Weather censured the Show.
It was a dreary, sorry excuse of a day, today. Such promise this morning, such disappointment this afternoon! It seems the Weather is paralleling the goings-on intruding into my existence.

(3rd) I punched in at 9:07 A.M., this morning - and it was assumed I was late!
November 3, 1993, the start of what will most likely be a long Work Connection.
I called Bill Geason this morning a few minutes after 8:00 A.M. He said to come on in (I should have been there at regular Clock-in!), that I should report to the National Guard Armony by Gate Four.
I hurried and showered, shampooed and shaved. Buckles was off (he had reported to work, only to be told he shouldn't have) and drove me to the armony.
I was on the Swing Shift today, and will be tomorrow. Bob Atchley is the Supervisor. Today's duties were sweeping the stadium (Grandstands), in preparation for Friday night's All-Star Football game.
I KNEW I shouldn't have purchased that concert ticket! Hell, I couldn't take a 'leave' for tomorrow morning's Orchestra display!
How unfair and inconvenient this fairgrounds job is! I had budgetted the week for a possible November 6th Work Marathon.
It seems I can't get away from the fairgrounds. People don't appear to understand the situation with me. I was asked where I had been.
At least now I can go ahead with plans for another Correspondence Course!
Wednesday in, yes, Louisville, KY. It has (and is) been a cold, raw day. A fine mist hit early this morning.
Phoebus came out to watch the University of Louisville football team practice, and didn't stay long. Wasn't He impressed?
I am presently doing something I should have done days ago - washing my clothes. It was another chore I had set aside a specific day and time for.

(4th) Why did I separate from sleep around 2:00 A.M.? Surely I'm not excited and eager to get to my job! It's not as if it's a new, high-level position! For the same shit will happen that did before!
Most likely I was waiting for breakfast - Mary is, once again, being 'victumized,' or so she calls it, by her job. And when that happens, money is laid out on alcohol, no food. What I had for supper last night was pitiful!
I must, somehow, get my 3000 calories, at LEAST!, each day. This sometimes do, most times don't, isn't the way. The 3000 must be ingested every day.
I fixed myself 2 eggs, toast, and a cup of milk this morning. Damn! is it ever nice to be satisfied for a chance!
I had no choice: the dryers are inefficient. After 25 minutes or so my clothes were, and still are, more wet than dry. Bit that laundromat located in the Trade Winds (?) Shopping Center on Preston Highway, 2 or 3 blocks from here, can be reached on foot, and Buckles was gone when I got in. Fortunately there was a pair of trousers, socks, underwear that I could wear this morning. As it is, though, my room in temporarily a Clothes Hanger.
The fourth of November 1993, Thursday in Louisville, KY. This morning's Cumberland Coffee Concert has been taken from me; but I was able to view TOSCA on Public Television last night. I hope to be able to fulfil both needs - culture and employment.

(acerca 6:58 P.M.) Eight and three quarters hours today: more sweeping. Tomorrow's game, you know.
I have got to find time for practice! I can't allow juggling to get booted out of my life. It's been a week since I worked on the 'trick,'
And I was making such good progress! Maybe Muscle Memory will let me go forward where I left off, instead of being forced to back up.
It was an Overcast, cool day; not at Chilly as yesterday, but Wind was more forceful.
Mary and Buckles are at it again; I even had to do dishes when I got home. In spite of the long day 'at the office,' I just couldn't stand to see that large mound in the sink. After four days, SOME ONE had to attend to them!
I have been letting Mary see me at my best - naked. Of course, only when Buckles isn't around.
It may even be good for what's ailing her - some type of 'emotional' crisis.

(5th, About 5:50 P.M.) Oh, sure, Brightness was at the head of the line! But what good was it when Cold had other plans, and, being stronger, took over? Of course, it wasn't bad until Wind entered the picture. Even THAT wouldn't had been so bad - if Wind hadn't came from the River. What a Chill!
Although it could be worse; as it will be tomorrow I understand.
A straight Eight today, mopping at the stadium, and half of the upper tier in the Coliseum.
I got to locate an indoor Practice Field! One with lights and padding on the floor. That way I can practice in the evenings. And practice Clubs. Bean Bags would be heavy in the house when I drop them.
Working pays tuition. Somehow I must figure out a way to incorporate both work and juggling into my schedule. And flute. And study.
What have I gotten myself into?

(6th) The Swing Shift meets, after the crew Clocks-in, in the Break Room, to wait work assignment. I didn't know that Wednesday morning, and walked around in search of them. I finally met them at the stadium, and Ron Nipper, the Crew Chief, set me straight.
Now I know better.
November 6, 1993, what suppose to be a cold Saturday. That will be under judgement latter. But just in case, I am dressed in 2 pairs of trousers (one sweats), a T-shirt and long-sleeve (plus the Mexican pull-over): I will not be caught cold!

(around 7:20 P.M.) It was 35-degrees (F) at 4:30 P.M.; and also at 5:00 P.M. Snow flurries tried to whiten the afternoon: I was sweeping bleachers when it happened.
Along with Chris and Rodrigues. Sherman and Teddy quite today - they couldn't (or wouldn't) work in the cold.
It is now around 7:20 P.M., and most likely more uncomfortable than it was while waiting on the bus late this afternoon (over forty minutes).
I accumulated 42 hours and 15 minutes of Work this week. My bank account can, once again, be fed.
I scored a '97' on the last lesson; and yesterday received notice that the Final is en route to the Testing Office at the University of Louisville. I will soon be done with this Independent Study, and can hop on something else.
So far, all is o'kay on the Swing Shift. Of course, the smart-asses are busy with the Cow Show, and I haven't had to deal with them, officially, yet.
That was the problem with the Coliseum Crew. The vast majority were arogant braggarts, who were all talk. They made up for low producity by being bossy and talking what they weren't and never can be.
I am at the fairgrounds to work, not just to go through the motions and collect a paycheck. There are other ways to demonstrate Manhood (as if one has to!).
Of course, it all stands to reason: how else can those losers keep their Egos from drowning? The only way they know how is with billigerent behavior.
Even with all those years on circuses, I still can't deal with that bestial mentally!
I operated a Billy Goat this afternoon. Ron Nipper, the Crew Chief, asked me if I could, and I thought, who couldn't what's the Big Deal? A Billy Goat, a vacuum 'cleaner' for cans, cups, etc., is nothing by a modified Lawn Mower.
I was successful behind the handle, once I had it attended to, and figured out how to By-pass the lameness.
But was it ever cold today! I don't report until 11:53 A.M., tomorrow; so maybe it will warm for me.

(7th) Finally! a date with Flute! Last night Mary, Buckles, and Ali went over to Glen's (Mary's oldest son). So I gave 45 minutes to the tryst. Now, if only I can give a similar time period to my other mistress - juggling.
November 7, 1993, Louisville, KY. A brrr! cold Sunday - I'm not looking forward to Al Fresco work let me tell you! - but it appears to be clearer than it has been in a while. The Grade Sheet will be submitted this evening, or tomorrow, depending on when I get back home from the Work Session which begins at noon.

(acerca 8:28 A.M.) Phoebus will be working with me this afternoon, unless He runs away. He seems all eager and raring to go this morning.
Clouds are not up this early. They may come on over later.
Something is happening at Buckles' job - he is off today, was off yesterday, and last Tuesday and Wednesday. Is Buckles not as 'popular' as he saids he is? Or is work slow, due to tightening of the state's budget?

(acerca 10:37 A.M.) Stupid me! I carelessly answered 'No' to questions 6, 7, 8 on the Unemployment card, the questions concerning being physically and mentally able to accept full-time work, and if I was searching for full-time work! It was returned to me yesterday, wanting an explanation or correction.
I am re-submitting the form this morning. The 'allowance' for Weeks Oct. 17-23 and Oct. 24-30 will, therefore, be late in reaching me. It makes no difference: the $42 or thereabout won't be deposited until next week at the earliest, in any case. But I must remember to be more careful in the future.
Phoebus is still with me; and Clouds are staying away. I sure hope the situation remains like this until this evening. If only Cold would take the hint!
Buckles, Mary, and Ali got in around 1:30 A.M., this morning (or so I was told - I was lustfully between the Thighs of Sleep by that time). And another rift has developed between Buckles and Mary.
After so many rifts, it's all a matter of course. I don't let it get me down anymore. Hell! I don't even bring up the subject! It is something that will always happen.

(8th, About 9:26 A.M.) I punched out at 2:38 A.M. (for 2:45) this morning!
What a marathon! I was hesitant about Buckles at that hour, but the choices were waitinig two hours on a bus or walking. It was cold at that time (31-degrees F., which changed to 32-degrees, and back over a 15-minute span. That is a situation I must investigate!), and I am to be back on the job by noon.
It is possibly bright, cloudless, and clear. Of course, it was so yesterday, and the punch by Phoebus felt good. But when He ceased, or when we 'ducked' that punch, it was very chilly.
It was a night of talking down goat pens; then clearing away the llamas and alpacas show in South Wing.
Four and a half hours of sleep; maybe I can make another Session on that. Let's hope it doesn't last as long!

(9th, Around 9:10 A.M.) You all heard about people whose job is only the monotony of performing a certain function, i.e. assembly Line Work as in the car industry. Well, the first four hours of work yesterday had me as the Pin Man - the Pig Pens had to be exected in the South Wing; my co-workers put 'together' the fencing, and I inserted long connection rods.
No one else would take on the 'challenge' - and it was a task that had to be done.
The boredom of assembly-line work can wear one down. I now have a better understanding of the emotional collapse awaiting these people.
November 9, 1993; 10.5 hours yesterday. In addition to Pen Exection,, we also tore-down Pig Pens in the East Wing.
It wasn't as cold yesterday as the previous 3-4 days. Chilly, yeah, but tolerable. Of course I was inside all 10.5 hours.
At around 11:25 P.M., last night the weather 'jumped' among 39-degrees, 40-degrees, and 41-degrees (all F). All in a few minutes. It may be that the Kentucky Fair and Exposition Center has a malfunctioning Marquee by Gate 6, but the Match was 'reported' that way.
Once again (around 9:10 A.M.) Phoebus strains. A Cloud Smear whitens some of the Blue Sky. Zephyr is somewhat active.
I wish it would be indoor work today, but I doubt it.
Tuesday; Louisville, KY - this Swing Shift, my fourth 'department,' seems to be 'better' for me than the other ones. At least this North American set-up and tear-down is 'funner.' However, I still don't want Statehood. Not unless that Statehood in in the Administration Division. Athough this 'rotation' is great experience and preparation for the job. This, combined with academic credentials, could very well get me a connection.
I again report at noon (11:53 A.M.) for work. I take it I can expect another long day.

(9:45 P.M.) I suppose you are surprised to hear from me at 9:45 P.M.! It was a short, easy day; which is good: I just couldn't connect with the rhythum of this day! I felt out of kitler, like what I am - a lonely old man. I was hungry all afternoon.
By the way, there was a banquet to close the Cattle show, and they ate the losers! (A joke, as bad as it is!).
It was low-50-degrees (F), a nice 'allowance.' Too bad my 'thermostat' wasn't functioning! Or maybe it was, and 'it' had shut off.
I got a free ride from work: the Bus #18 (around 8:45 P.M.) had an out-of-commission fare box: - So TARC followed through with their policy of no-charge
I needed all the help I could get this day!
I raked Cow Shit from the green dust coating of the arena this afternoon, while Charlie was on lunch. Then I helped mop the stadium, swept part of the concourse, and removed the panels and tar paper leading from West Wing to the Back Ramp of the Coliseum, via the hall of the Coliseum.
A bad day for me; I'm just glad there wasn't any major change-overs!

(10th) Television.
Stage.
Circus.
Films.
Fairgrounds.
I have tasted much of the Amusement/Show Business. Which one is the most enjoyable, the most profitable? I ain't saying.
November 10, 1993, in what may just be a beautiful, bright, Cloudfree Wednesday, although most likely cold.
Louisville, KY, - I hope to be able to satisfy Mary's wish of seeing my naked body more. I'm working on it.

(acerca 10:05 A.M.) I always thought Milk Cows and Beef Mooers shared the same style of 'housing,' But I will find out today the difference. An example of on-the-job training.
A large part of my problem yesterday was mopping. That duty degrades me. I feel so intimadated doing it. It's not what I am suffering through the Livestock Show for. I'm there for the challenges of untraveled experiences. And mopping is one of them, we all must agree!
All of the 'pictures' show a joyful day! But, as always when reality takes over, Air most likely dampens the idea.

(11th, Around 8:00 A.M.) It was pitching and shovelling shit-laden hay until 11:00 P.M., last night in the Pavilion, and laying tar paper strips.
10.5 hours.
Due in again at 10:00 A.M., this morning, I will be short with this report.
November 11, 1993, Louisville, KY. It was a comfortable afternoon yesterday - lower-50-degrees (F) - and promises to be about the same today. Already (around 8:00 A.M.) it is bright and clear.
Given that the 'grapevine' at work tells everyone what I say and do (Bill Murdock has been told of my 'disagreement' with his presence, that he kept me from going state), why isn't it generally known of my new status, and the reason for it? Strange how Selective Gossip operates!
A Thursday, alnost an end of a 'perfect' week . . . Which we all know never ends at the Kentucky Fair and Exposition Center!

(acerca 9:08 P.M.) It was on the job for nine hours, but receiving pay for 13 ½: overtime kicked in before Clock-out yesterday.
So far, it is 52 hours this week - and there still remains at least 16 hours. It sure will be a good paycheck next Friday.
Today was spent in Broadbent, setting up for a Cattle Show.
I am trying. Really I am. But I just can't do it.
I can't get the motivation back to perform. It is now obvious that it was all a desperate and, as it turned out, a futile attempt to boost a terribly low self-esteem. I hung on to Clowning for so long due to not knowing what else to do. I was too timid, I felt too useless, to enter more humanly endeavors.
For a while, at least, I think I can deal with myself. I don't feel I need Clowndom.
I received the 'go ahead' yesterday from Dr. McKenzie to do Step 8 on that 'Analytical Thinking From Experience' contract. I have to come up with an annotated bibliography. It is going to be rather difficult to find the time for research. And, secondly, the assignment requires FIVE sourses. Beside "Gray's Anatomy," how can I collect material, when I was self-taught in Mime and theory?
Actually, I am still carrying around a Clownship - in a different form of course. Years ago, before proceeding with the 'Career,' I was planning on a writing career in Clowning. Most likely this is the period I have finally been able to get to.
It suits me just fine. I would much rather be a Clown penner than Clown performer!
It was a gorgeous afternoon - bright, almost Springlike.
Maybe Autumn was just teasing earlier this month!

(12th) The longer it is between Juggling sessions, the farther and farther I will fall away from another Performance Come-Back. Which is not to say such is bad.
As I had it figured, that 2-day Circus in Fort Worth Frank Brown was so eager for me to be in was only a dream of his. I have heard nothing futher about it, not even a counter offer from the 'Management.'
And more than likely the deal with Chuck Davenport was a trick, an attempt to get cheap, stupid labor.
It may be best if I hold on to the job at the fairgrounds; once I finish up my Bachlor's, and begin work on a Master's Degree, chances are excellent that I could be propelled into the Administrative Services.
November 12, 1993; and yet another Friday. Louisville, KY., sure had a lot of them! No more than other places, I suppose.
I hope today is as 'seductive' as yesterday.
A return to regular hours - 7:30 A.M. to, if all goes well, 4:00 P.M. There are no major Change-overs until next week. The Jefferson County High Schools playoff games are later today, so that means a stadium once-over tomorrow. What's on tap today? You'll know this evening in the Night Report.

(acerca 5:41 P.M.) Sure, it was for a short time; but, hey! at least it was a practice!
An Eight Hour day, and the air is not exceptionally cruel, so I made a 20-minute or session. And the stoppage a week or ten days ago is really noticable! It was a clumsy 4-ball practice, and pitiful. I need practice more than just every ten days!
$38.00 from my account with Unemployment, the last withdrawal for a while.
Forty-two hours and a quarter - that was my contribution to the North American Livestock Show; for this I was paid $184.34, which became $153.17 somehow.
As if we all didn't know!
I was assigned to the Billy Goat this morning, and again this afternoon. My job was to take it on a 'walk,' and allow it to eat whatever it wanted, just as long as it didn't touch the green Astro turf.
I may be the warden of that Billy Goat for a while.

(acerca 10:42 P.M.) I didn't realize that I could 'catch' something from the Billy Goat. It looked innocent enough. However, I was struck down earlier - and just had to get in bed.
I napped for about two hours.
Billy Goat is rougher than I thought it would be!
I completed outlining Chapter 20 this evening. Now I must review all material accumalated over the 'semester,' and show the world what I can retain - whenever I can get the time away from work for the Comprehensive Final Examination.

13-23 November, Louisville, KY

(13th) Eight hours today, giving me 68 for the week. Next Friday, I will be credited with $348.50; I will bring home much less.
Saturday the 13th, November 1993. We prepared the stadium for the football games this evening.
And Rain mopped the lower Blue seats. Appreciate your help, Rain!
A dreary, but warmish day in Louisville, KY.
I am starting to have trouble with two of the Petty Cashers (hey, I'm a Petty Casher myself!). They are arrogant and bossy.
And work-avoiders. Which is consistent with these kinds of people.
I was thinking today that I might stick with the fairgrounds until at least I complete my B.A. But I don't know if I want to go through that Bill Murdock-thing again!
Is there a job anywhere which is free of this? I doubt it. Even the circus is infested in this matter! Which only goes to prove once more that Circus is not extra-reality: it is just another workplace!

(14th) From the It's Really $1.00 Store (off the Outer Loop, near Finberwood Shopping Center), I bought Joseph Wambaugh's "The Golden Orange" for a dollar, last night. There are two other hard-book novels I want to pull from that store. They will be there for a while - I don't think the clientale of that business are big of reading!
November 14, 1993: with a Work Marathon in progress, what difference does it make that this is Sunday? It ain't no day of rest!
After having deposited $191.17 into my bank, account, and then turning around only to withdraw a ten, I have $745.25. The race is on again for the One Thousand mark.
Louisville, KY, in the event I am not able to get back to you - I work from noon to whenever. Of course the real job is getting to the fairgrounds by noon. There is a city bus at 11:50 A.M., but a lot of good that does me!

(acerca 10:25 A.M.) Rain chased Zephyr 'around the room.' Apparently Zephyr has a much-sought after body.
Zephyr was really on the move earlier, trying to get away from the horny Rain.
In passing, Rain 'ejaculated' on us.
The Sky is dimmed, establishing the Romantic Mood Rain wants in Its Seduction of Zephyr.

(15th, About 9:54 A.M.) Rain and Zephyr had a will liaison yesterday afternoon. Why, it interrupted and disturbed our clean-up of the stadium!
Lightning.
Goans of Orgasm.
What a Climax whichever one is the female of the two had!
It was thought best not to be in the Wind Tunnel while the Affair was going on - we all stopped and looked on.
Air was chilly, but not blantantly so.
The main reason we had to report at noon yesterday was to relieve the Pooper Scoopers of the Beef Cattle Show, being held in the Coliseum.
It wasn't until around 9:00 P.M., when the real 'fun' began! First it was Deja vu of Circus when we had to move two sets of metal bleachers from the muddy field of the Pink Lot (across from South Wing). How so like a Mud Show!
The remoinder of the 13 ½ hour Work Session was devoted to cleaning up 'B' (East) Hall, once the sheep 'left dodge.'
Clock-out at 1:53 A.M., this morning.
A drizzly, sucky, day yesterday, annoying more than anything else. The 'lights' are still dim this morning: does this mean yet another tyrst between Rain and Zephyr?
Air is coolish this morning, but not cruel.
It is an 11:53 A.M., reportage day once again. Damn! if I can predict Quitting time!

(16th) No time to stop and chat! I slept late this morning, and now must rush to the bus stop!
An 11 ½ hour Work Period yesterday.
November 16, 1993, Louisville, KY. A Tuesday which shows promise.
I didn't even have time to shave this morning!

(17th) Remind me, if it is ever raining as it was last night when I got off (11:25 P.M.), no to crawl under the locked Gate 6! There was a flowing pool of water at the spot that I had to go under. And I got soaked: my coat, my trousers, my socks, my underwear, my shirt (including that Merican pull-over)! It was a warm night (mid-50-degrees F.) but . . .
Of all days not to drag along my umbrella!
The next downpour, I will WALK out Gate 4, and call my ride from the All-night Convenient Store opposite, on Crittendon drive.
The seventeenth of November 1993; Louisville, KY., continues to keep me busy. Hell! this is only Wednesday, and I have accumalated 36 hours on the job! After lunch this afternoon I will begin drawing in the Overtime, $6.37 ½ an hour. And no telling how many more hours I will cram into this week - Friday evening we must disasemble the Cattle Show and set up the Basketball arena for a game Saturday. That will most likely take damn near twenty hours!
The sky is clear, with only the occassional Cloud plugging the holes. Phoebus is on duty this morning, but It was yesterday at this same time - and recall how Its Forces were annihilated!

(18th) Instead of most likely humiliating myself by attempting to land a role/job at Paramount's Kings Island Amusement Park in Ohio, why not proceed with the plan of using 'Family' influence: and Employment connection with the Kentucky Fair and Exposition Center may lead to a transfer to Kentucky Kingdom. Although the Kingdom is independent of the fairgrounds, except for renting the land, I may be able to negotiate some kind of deal.
I must bear that in mind.
I guess it will be another cold, raw day like yesterday. I tell you, when that wind settled, it was most uncomfortable! Fortunately I spent most of the afternoon inside: I did Poop Scooping as the Cattle Shows were on-going
Hey! don't knock it! At least it was warm!
Last evening we put on six steps, the ones that will give access to the upper tiers, once those portables are put into to place Friday evening or Saturday morning. Hell! it will take every minute we can get for the change-over from Cattle Show to baskelball, and that headstart really helps out!
10 hrs, 45 minutes, once we got pass the steps.
November 18, 1993; a Winter-like Thursday is predicted. It may just be the Snow Crew doing set-up.
Louisville, KY.: I guess I will be on the job for at least 3 or 4 more weeks. I hope I can get to juggling before that!

(19th, About 9:06 A.M.) I finally got __ taste a setting up for Hockey.
Styofoam strips, plastic, freezing coils, sand, water, paint, more water - the area is a long, tedrous process.
The wall isn't so bad if the work in Co-ordinated; but with Danny of West Wing in charge, the putting together wasn't all that smooth!
It is overcast and cold this morning; we can expect to be under Autumn's Skirt all day. Hopefully all our assignments will be indoors.
The first half of yesterday's afternoon was doing the Pooper Scooper thing in the Coliseum while the Moo Cow Show pr_ceeded. Then my dream of hockey arena set-up materialized.
I am being squeezed by Muscle Soreness this morning. Hell! I don't get a chance to recuperate! And I won't for 4-5 more days!

(20th, Around 6:45 P.M.) The twentieth of November 1993 mustn't run away from me - I am actually home at around 6:45 P.M.! How long has THAT been?
Work was 9:00 A.M. to 5:30 P.M. - without halting it in order to tell you I received $266.69 for my suffering last week.
Sixty-eight hours. It should have brought me $348.51, but I am
sure you are aware of the Highwaymen waylaying Salaries in Louisville, Frankfort, and Washington! Damn! if I am not going to put out a Posse for those Thieves this winter!
Louisville, KY., a chilly Saturday. It was below freezing as I waited on the bus this morning. The driver, stopping for coffee TWICE, landed me at the Fairgrounds with no time to spare, after the brisk walk to the Time Clock Room.
From noon yesterday to 12:30 A.M. this morning: just for one lousy basketball game!
I napped on the couch, so I wouldn't sleep deep and sound. As it so happened I overslept a half-hour or so - I had hoped to be up an ready by 7:00 A.M., not still in bed by that time!
But I made it. I clocked in a few seconds after 8:53 A.M.

(acerca 9:02 P.M.) I wish I could have more study time! And Sleep Eight is clamoring for completion. Maybe the Okalona branch library is open at night.
But the doesn't solve the Practice Problem.
How much longer will I be on payroll this Job Session? At least let it be modified to 8 hours a day, 5 days a week! At least then I can budget better!
I only got, at the most, two hours of sleep between Work Periods. I am tired. Tomorrow it is 7:30 A.M. to, hopefully, 4:00 P.M.
I have no visual image of the future, except for the try-out for the Master. Of course that is a couple of years down the road, and is not concerned about the first part of next year.
Allow December to do me kindly, please.

(21st) Another Sunday in Louisville, KY - November has just about use up Her Allottment for 1993.
It is a cold day; hopefully I won't be outside at the stadium, but still under House Arrest in the Coliseum.

(acerca 6:55 P.M.) Forty minutes are forty minutes!
When I got home, I rushed outside with my juggling balls, and did a long-awaited Practice. Of course, it's not the cramming: it's the regular, routined practice that is meaningful. But Time is deceitful as of late. With Daylight Time out of the way for a while, though, Darkness backs off.
I couldn't let this Gift get away from me! The air was cold, but not traumatic.
It was a good review. Maybe, with sanity returning at the Fairgrounds, Late Afternoon will help me out with my shortness of time.
It was very cold this morning; however, the afternoon wasn't bad. The morning and early afternoon was devoted to clearing away evidence of Saturday's basketball game. Then we had to work on the stadium, amidst the after-effects of Today's high school football marathon.
The Chill was thorough, but not shocking.
Remember that $75 I received for the Video Vault 3-day stand? Well, I have a sneaky suspicion that came from the funds of Buckles and Mary. My first cue, is that a Christmas hasn't been discussed for 2-3 weeks. I don't think Larry, the owner of the Vault, want to buy my services.
Which really brings me down, we all know!
Hell! juggling is a great contribution to Humanities. No telling how I will be using the special skill in Academe's House!
Eight Hours today. I wouldn't mind six days of 8: that would mean some overtime, and still leave me with left-over waking hours.
Although I want all the on-the-job I can get: I doubt if I will get 'invited' to go state again. And I am relunctant to do such anyway.

(22nd) I must find out what I pay $30 a week for. A check to Mary for that amount yesterday evening, and one on the 12th.
Sixty dollars in a little over a week! Damn! I hope my trust hasn't once again been converted into 'being taken advantage of'!
I don't even have time to scrutinize the photograph before Monday requires the next page in my National Geographic Society Engagement Calender!
Monday is back with more 7-day aches and pains! Wasn't He just here?
November 22, 1993, Louisville, KY. In all likehood Cold has stayed over.

(acerca 9:10 P.M.) Five seconds! And it took over an hour as a result!
The job was until 5:53 P.M., this evening - I banded Pig/sheep pens. Tightening the fasteners was tramatic to the pecs, forearms, and just about everywhere else!; and a bus went by the Thorton's/Gate 6 'stop' just as I got within 200 feet of it! I chased the bus for almost a block, but the red light wasn't quite long enough, and the boarding didn't involved enough people.
I had this same experience 3 or 4 months ago: five buses headed opposite to where I was going; and I, once again, had to endure a long wait for one to return. Why I had to, I don't know. The situation is ridiculous and pathetic.
The next time I have to work late, I will have to run from the Time Clock Room to the bus stop.
Will there be a next time? Bob Atchley, the Swing Shift supervisor, told me this afternoon that I would work a couple of more days. I take that to mean until Thanksgiving.
Of course, I can always get a day or two a week. But I can use the hiatus for study, practice - and living.
It was a gorgeous day - this afternoon was awe inspiring, what with the overflowing Sunshine, the warm chill, the clearness! A great day to work Al Fresco.

(23rd) Another Work-out; at least I assume I will be do Pec and Upper Deltoids today. There still are many stacks of pens to band.
November 23, 1993; hopefully another outstanding day in Louisville, KY.
Tuesday; and this portion of my connection is about to come to a close. But not a complete divorce. That will be up to me.

(acerca 6:30 P.M.) It was better than yesterday.
The afternoon, that is.
The weather, to be specific.
Phoebus had us all climaxing. A clear, sunny, warm afternoon. What a perfect day for finishing up the banding!
Speaking to the banding, it got around how well I picked up, what the fairgrounds employees believe to be, the highly skilled task. Many people are trying to get me to go State.
But I am holding out for a Managerial position. My background, my education, my talents, my plans are just too big for sweeping and mopping.
Most likely, the above is how the 'guys' view me. And rightly so: nothing but Upstairs is what I deserve.
But first, there are things I must arrange and settle. I will attend to the situation out at the fairgrounds at a later date.

24 November (Wednesday), Louisville, KY

At first, Mary would provide the man with Videos in exchange for 'reefer.' Now, however, she may be exchanging sex for reefer. Because we all know that a dealer, once he/she establishes a client as a dependency, ups the price.
Of course, the quid pro quo may have been tricks for treats all along. But Mary is reverting to the pathetic non-human person I had been told she was years ago.
I don't know how much longer Buckles will tolerate. Or me for that matter.
November 24, 1993; things are deteriorating rapidly. Most likely 1994 will see a drastic change.
Louisville, KY; this is the main reason I have held back from Statehood. Until I smooth out my domestic situation, I can't accept a full-time permanent position. If I re-locate - and it is looking more and more that I will - I have no choice but to live day-to-day, and rely on the occassional assignment with the fairgrounds.
Is this a test to see if I really and truly can stomach Reality? Is Circus behind all this?
Wednesday; maybe a trip to Alabama, a 'vacation' will turn the situation around. Though I doubt it. Mary is an inveterate drunk, doper, low-life.
A pitiful case I am confronted with.
I was hoping to work steady two or three more weeks, but today is my final day with the Swing Shift. This doesn't mean I will never get a 'contract' again, however.
So this is the Settled Life, huh? I always thought 'settled' meant just that!

(acerca 5:15 P.M.) According to the Marquee at the entrance to Gate 6, it was 63-degrees (F) at 4:09 P.M.; so the mid-sixties most likely descended on the Mid-afternoon. All morning long the 'door' was tightly fastened. However, after lunch the Entry took place, Phoebus being the Grand Marshol.
A glorious day to close out this Work Marathon. Although I will be on hand late Friday night to revitalize the stadium after the violation by football.
I accumulated 34 hours this week while with the Swing Shift; it will be at least Eight Hours as part of the Health Care Team. Most likely more; in any case I will have overtime credited to me.
Due to the holidays, the Imp__st Fund employees were paid today. For the 77.75 hours of my life I gave to the Kentucky Fair and Erposition Center the week of Nov. 14-20, 1993, I was compensated $410.66. I got $309.68. Over a hundred dollars tricked out of me! What treachery! What deceit! Just wait to I get my hands on You, Income Tax Forms! I will show You what trickery really is!

(acerca 8:15 P.M.) All that was required of me was mopping, pushing the paint compressor, and stacking pens. Why, then, am I so exhausted? Is my body becoming that opposed to any sort of physical labor?

25 November (Thursday), Louisville, KY

November 25, 1993, a day one suppose to give thanks for. That remains to be seen.

(acerca 1:05 P.M.) Today is the fourth Thursday in November. Every Year is required to make this Thanksgiving.
And so it is. A warm one - mid 50-degrees (F); a chill has settled over Louisville, KY, recouping for another strike only when Phoebus does an Instrument Check.
I got in about 30 minutes of practice earlier. This Job Slowdown should mean more time for Balls and Clubs. I know it will be able to allow for more in-depth reading: I began "Washington, D.C." by Gore Vidal this morning. Sure, I know I have to review for the Final Exam in Physics; and I am behind on that Learning Contract. But I need a different direction to compliment the Studies, thereby, I hope, making it easier to roll the 'completed' circle.
Mary has some unreasonable idea that she has colon cancer: she has a recurring pain in her lower right thoraxic region. She sees death approaching. To ward it off, she has increased imbibement. The sessions are almost every day, and she is very inconsiderate when immersed in them (she's not overly courteous when free of them!). I can't watch a video or converse on the phone without interference.
Although I can walk naked in front of her - which I do. This is a 'payoff,' however, which she most likely adores.
Mary is also hooking up with reefer more and more.
It is a disgusting situation.

(acera 3;10 P.M.) Can you believe what Mary had the nerve to tell me? That she was going to quite work, and I would have to pay some if not all of her share of the rent! She more or less admitted what I have suspected all along!
Mary actually is trying to manuver me into supporting her! I just glad I caught on before I got too involved and swamped by the situation.
Will I come back from my Alabama 'vacation'? As bad as it is down there, it was no where as bad as this!

(acerca 4:40 P.M.) Mist has creeped in and taken over. The Grounds Forces are encamped, gathered in puddles.
Mid-50-degrees (F) has been dethroned in favor of the Forties.
A wet, dreary Thanksgiving evening. It seems that none of the Years can escort Thanksgiving without a mishap. If you recall, I was in Hugo, OK., Winter Quarters of Carson and Barnes Circus, while 1992 took a crack at Thanksgiving. Was it not cold, raw, and wet?
Thanksgiving is a sickly Holiday. No Physician has so far been able to cure it.

26-28 November (Friday-Sunday), Louisville, KY

(Around 2:15 A.M.) Mary is drunk, asleep on the couch, her dress pulled up over her hips. On display are her pubes and thigh. I have been walking from my room to the kitchen, in the nude.
Now, I don't know if Mary is really snoozing - she may only be testing me, and in the market for my nakedness, - but there she is revealing all.
What I get to see isn't exceptionally seductive, but it's about time she showed me her 'thing.' After all, I have made a point (no pun intended) of exhibiting mine.
November 26. 1993; since I will most likely move out the first of the year, I see no reason to relate to Mary as a 'brother.' No, the time remaining will be devoted to a wide-awake, face-to-face unclothed partnership.
Friday morning, early (around 2:15 P.M.); here in Louisville, KY, it continues to be wet and dreary.
I work tonight. More of that later.

(acerca 11:00 A.M.) I was involved with the Kentucky State Fair, something I wanted to do. When I read about the North American Livestock Show, I made plans to work that.
But now both are done with. I have no other ambitions in Louisville, other than possibly making application at Kentucky Kingdom, an amusement park. I can still do that, but why not try for Hawaii and Alaska?
I typed a 'forgive me' letter to Chuck Davenport. King Royal Circus are supposively touring Hawaii in January and February, and I am trying to be re-enstated with that show. The letter was most pitiful, never coming out and saying what happened, but hinting of an 'accident.' And actually it was this experiment with Buckles and Mary, me thinking I could live with them, was an 'accident.' Back in August, things weren't ripe for a return to the road; I was premature in arranging one. But now, with the fair and Cow Show to my credit, and the disolving relationship at home, I am free.
If Chuck Davenport will forgive what I did, and give me another chance.

(acerca 4:45 P.M.) Phoebus turned into Mr. Hyde this afternoon; so bright this morning, a swig of the Potion taking affect this afternoon.
The Overcast Ceiling carries a load; the Pinada might be broken at any moment by one of the peurile gods.
Zephyr is returning Home, having Bar-Hopped all night.
It is rather cool, has been all morning, but now officially, recognized by Hyde and Zephyr.
After a nap, I practice forty-minutes or so. I should have gone longer, but my hands chilled, and I work tonight. Just so long as I get back to a regular scheduled practice, the length of each one is not that important.
I am about to finish up that Physics correspondence course. It was another project holding me back from the road.

(27th) Most likely it was my final Work Session at the fairgrounds, at least for a long time.
7 ½ hours. I got my forty hours in this week. In fact, I pulled in an hour and a half overtime.
From 11:00 P.M., last night to 2:40 A.M., this morning, the crew, consisting on only 7 or 8 people, gave the stadium a First Cleaning.
And was it ever cold! Why, it was in the upper-20-degrees (F.)! The Chill was downright mean with Its Cruelty!
From 2:40 A.M., until 6:53 A.M., we just sat around the Break Room, and the Back Door. Pronounced heat concentrated outside the Time Clock Room, at one point I dozed.
What a way to end the relationship with the Kentucky Fair and Exposition Center!

(around 1:15 P.M.) November 27, 1993; it may appear kind and compassionate from the inside looking out (around 1:15 P.M.), but Weather has an evil streak this time of the year which even Phoebus can't wash away!
November is handing over the Weekend Detail. Is it because It realizes It can't do much with Them, or does November accept the fact that Winter can secure a better Foothold in December?
A teasingly, seductive Saturday in Louisville, KY: bright, clear. Once outside, though, one can see it's all subterfuge.
Shorty was (and is) the supervisor of the Clean-up Crew.
Next week, Personnel can call me; the only reason I worked last night is so I could 'pad' my timecard. But Unemployment, the little that it is, pays better than just one or two Work Sessions. And I don't have to endure Winter's Preliminary Rule.

(28th, 2:15 A.M.) With all this unconventional Work Sessions, I have become disconnected with a schedule; as an example, I have been seeking refuge in Sleep around 9:00 P.M., instead of studying.
The domestic situation isn't helping. My distaste and disappointment with and of the lifestyles of Mary (and Buckles on occassion) forces me to Unconsciousness. They have destroyed my faith in friendship - damn! if I can allow them to overtake my discipline! I worked so hard developing it!
It is 2:15 A.M. in the morning of the twenty-eight of November 1993. Study/reading must not become a Victum, must remain independent of the Slaughter.
Phoebus gave a great Speech yesterday afternoon, but Cold Air was the Holder of Cue Cards. I practiced for 30-40 minutes; the Chill settled on my hands, however, and tried to interfere.
Sunday - this Office is soon to be shut down; 1994 will probably reopen it, but one can't assume that.
Louisville, KY. - long to be remembered. A review of my time in this city will show hat I tried to succeed, but things were apparently stacked against me from the start.
I accept the entire blame; it was all because of believing Mary and Buckles would provide a 'safe haven.' But, as with everyone else, I was abused and set-up, the intention all along to be a money supply.
This is what hurts, realizing almost too late that I was being tricked into bankrolling Mary's drug and alcohol lifestyle.
Will I never learn? Will I always be the victum? Most likely I will! Some people are born trusting, and never can understand the treachery of others.
I was doomed from the start.

(acerca 8:08 A.M.) Even Nature is doing a Snow Job on me! It only stands to reason - everyone else in Louisville is doing one!
The first thing (actually it was the second thing - the cold is palpable, hinting at dier things to come) was a Whiteness on the roof of the apartment complex seen from my Northwest bedroom window. Then I looked out the other windows (easternly) and saw the Troops on the March. It's not a large Ballation, but Scary nonetheless.
The third Invasion of the White Army since I 'settled' in Louisville! I am insulted and affended! It doesn't seem fair to hit me, with all the other Campaigns going on against me!
Before I completely unravel my 'welcome' up here, I had better wait until, if he does, Chuck Davenport affers that Second Chance. I feel like he will, but there are no guarantees.

(acerca 11:50 A.M.) Music is provided by Zephyr: it is a high-pitch, a shrill, tune, being played against the tree Woodwinds.
It is a song of Coldness.
Low-level lighting by Phoebus; He is in league with Winter, is under contract, and has been giving 'cold' illumination.
I may venture among the Obstacles, but don't count on practice!
Sunday indeed! How dare that name be used on such a day!

(acerca 6:05 P.M.) It's been - how many months? The vast majority of the day was taken up by reading, the Vidal novel and Physics (I need to be tested soon, before I suffer Chronic Information Overload. If all goes according to plan, Wednesday afternoon will end the suffering). The Air outside was and is so biting, Practice was cancelled. Mary was home all day, so Flute didn't leave Its case (I prefer to play in private, being that my handling of the instrument is far from pleasing to the ear!).
Big Things might happen as November and December meet and Pass the Baton. The Final Month of Ninety-Three may be Earth-Shattering!

29 November (Monday), Louisville, KY

I could have paid ten dollars less, but that would entail a 21-day waiting period; so, what the hell! I went ahead and purchased round-trip passage between Louisville, and Birmingham for $78. I don't think five dollars each way is going to put me in the Poor House!
I made the trek south on December 11th. I come back to Louisville, KY, the site of this reportage - it's undecided. The ticket, bought through the travel agency Travel Specialists, Inc., located in the First National Tower (ground floor, the part nearest the River, and the Kentucky Center for the Arts), allows me to return on any weekend after a Friday evening stay in Birmingham.
When to return? Will I return?
I also purchased an $11.50 'pass' to the Thursday morning (10:30) concert of the Louisville Orchestra.
I take the Final Examination Wednesday afternoon at 2:00 P.M.
Didn't I tell you a lot would be 'arranged' this week, as November and December come together?
November 29, 1993, a cold, dasterly Monday. The Freezing Point wasn't quite reached, but, scoring in the lower-30-degrees (F), Cold is successfully preventing anymore touchdowns by Autumn.
Less than a month to go in the Game. Winter is ahead up here; will It win the Match?

(acerca 6:40 P.M.) Almost three hours in the Louisville Free Public Library (4th Street, a block southeast of Broadway) today studying for my final and 'researching' for the annotated bibliography I am late in submitting to Dr. McKenzie.
By the way, I used the Travel Specialists, Inc, at 101 South Fifth Street.




Ad: