The Girl with Tar

Quitting For Real
2014-12-12 08:24:34 (UTC)

Day Forty nine, End of Week Seven

My lungs are screaming at me. I want nicotine, but it's time for bed. I don't need the gum. I can wait until morning.

I have work tomorrow ugh. But then I get the weekend off, and tomorrow is payday!! I'm proud I've made it this far. It's hard to keep a job, to act the way I do. And I have to be extremely careful not to continue the act away from work, lest my mind decide I need an alter to just permanently be like that for me. That would be easier, but I don't want the easy path. I want the right one. I want the one where I live my life for myself no matter how hard shit gets. I don't want someone to live for me.

I'm lonely. And that makes it more difficult to ignore the urge. Most smokers are social with it at some point, and I used to be. I had a circle of people to smoke with. Now I don't have them? Most of my friends, I used to have... I always have Daniel though, and he makes it easier. A lot easier.

Fingers crossed




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