LustingforNightmares

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2014-12-06 00:18:00 (UTC)

Lonely As Fucking Fuck

"Stupid" by Brendan Maclean [Yet another Night Vale weather song. I love this.]

December 5, 2014 Friday 11:19 PM


All I've done all day is play minecraft and watch Adventure Time. I am an actual loser.

I've been thinking about John, mostly because I'm feeling pretty lonely today and I also kinda wanna make out with someone and he's pretty adorable.

I think I had more to say a minute ago. I don't feel all that great today because I'm so lonely and I just want to fucking touch someone, and not like a friendly hug or something, I mean I want to cuddle and kiss and watch movies and all that romantic stuff that I tend to find really disgusting when I'm sad.

At least I feel okay about myself. I guess I should've know the word "nudes" in my last title would attract some people but I got a feedback that said something along the lines of, "I understand why guys would wanna see you naked" and should I be, like, offended by that?

Should I? Okay, listen. I understand why girls find catcalls and all that offensive but that compliment didn't feel creepy to me, it just felt nice. I'm just confused, I don't know if I should be mad if people look at me in a sexual way. I don't think it's completely fair to do that. I mean, it would suck if that's all I'm seen for but that isn't the case and so now I have convinced myself that accepting the compliment was the right thing to do, yay.

I'm not really tired, I just feel lazy and now I'm going to watch more Adventure Time and I'll try not to think about how bland my romantic life is now.

OH! I woke up randomly at six in the morning today and a couple minutes afterwards, Lily texted me and that is the second time that has happened. I wake up without warning and, bam, she texts.

SHE IS FUCKING PSYCHIC, I SWEAR.

(hmmmmph. There is definitely a logical explanation for that. Psychic is not it.)

Okay, fuck you, I know.

Alright, good night, I guess.

GOD, I'M SO LONELY AND I feel pretty shallow when I'm not sad which I guess isn't right but... I just, I can never get rid of that feeling. Like I am just not as deep or artistic when I feel good. That sucks.

Caroline once said that being sad is the easiest way to be creative.

I guess easy sucks?

I don't know. Oh! Caroline comes home tomorrow and shiiiiiit, she's gonna get in trouble. My parents found a bowl (for weed) in her room and, in my head, I was all, "god fucking dammit, I should've stolen that when I had the chance."

but yeah. I don't think smoking weed is bad. I know I say that periodically but it's true. I don't think it should be a regular thing for everyone but sometimes, it's fun and it's not as unsafe as other drugs I've heard of. If you're going to do drugs, play it safe, am I right?

Is that ethical? Do I care?

No, I don't. For the time being, I get to use youth as an excuse.


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