LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
2014-12-04 23:02:32 (UTC)

Nudes And Music


December 4, 2014 Thursday 10:02 PM


So.

So something interesting just happened.

John asked me to send him nudes (I mean he also said I was beautiful so yay). I mean, it's not like that hasn't happened to me before but he's seen me in real life AND I've talked to him for like several weeks so I'm kinda surprised, but I guess horny boys will go for any naked body they can think of, haha.

Um, so yeah, I kinda just said, "AWWW that's super nice!! Thanks! but nah man I don't do that :/"

Because honestly how am I supposed to take pictures of myself naked if I don't even like looking at myself naked?

It was weird, though, because we haven't talked in like two weeks (I've been meaning to text him but I kept forgetting and *shrug*) and he suddenly texts me out of the blue and yeah.

Yeah, so he said, "well you can't blame me for trying" or something and I kind of just texted back with a laugh and said good luck with your search for porn XD because really, that was kind of flattering as hell so why should I be angry? He wasn't being forceful or anything.

Oh and just now he said something about how he'd been trying to take more risks and he'd been drinking and then he said he really meant it when he said I was super cool and beautiful so that was nice. Maybe that was just a last ditch attempt to get me to shed my clothing but hey, who cares, I choose to believe those were legitimate compliments.

Wait a second. Just now he asked if he ever had a chance of us fooling around and I swear to god, if that's the only reason he's been talking to me this whole time then

1) damn, he's committed to getting booty

2) Fuck him, I guess. Not in the sexual way because that would be more like a reward... what am I even... I'm tired

----

I heard beautiful music today! I technically have school tomorrow but it's half a day of school and half a day of mandatory pep rallying so... I really don't want to go.

My dad came home all excited and asked my mom if she wanted to go to a concert. My mom said no and so then he asked me, slightly less excited, if I wanted to go and I said I would but I had school. SO MY MOM SAID I DON'T HAVE TO SCHOOL AND I WENT TO THE CONCERT WHICH ENDED PRETTY RECENTLY AND IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

THEY SANG ALL THESE ANCIENT EASTERN EUROPEAN SONGS AND WERE DRESSED IN THESE LONG, BEAUTIFUL DRESSES THAT LOOKED LIKE THEY WERE TAKEN FROM FAIRY TALES. THE SONGS WERE IN A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT LANGUAGES AND THEY SOUNDED THE WAY MYTHS WOULD SOUND IF THEY WERE SONGS AND UGHGHHH IT WAS JUST BEAUTIFUL HAHA.

I don't know if anyone else I know would understand this music because I know I half-hated it but it was also so gorgeous. the issue was that it was so different from the things people normally listen to. My dad is staring at me trying to get to make a typo ugh he succeeded.

Oh, the people we saw were called Kitka. Yeah.

I'M SO GODDAMN TIRED BUT I'M ALSO NOT SAD SO YAY.

I STAYED UP LATE LAST NIGHT TO FINISH A PROJECT AND I was so tired waking up the next morning. I had to go to school early, too, for a Roy G Biv captains meeting and I spilled coffee in my hair and then I stayed after school for Olympics of the Visual Arts but

IT'S SO WORTH IT BECAUSE I GOT TO BE AROUND PEOPLE AND LOVE THEM AND HUG THEM AND I GOT TO DO THINGS AND I GOT TO SMILE AND I WAS A BIT ANGRY AT JAMIE BECAUSE SHE'S AN ALL AROUND ASSHOLE BUT

THINGS ARE BEAUTIFUL TODAY AND THAT IS WHAT MATTERS, RIGHT?

And, and, AND Pat recommended I go to school at a college campus over the summer and now I AM SO EXCITED. I WANT TO DO THAT SO BAD. I'M NOT EVEN ANXIOUS ABOUT THE SOCIALIZING PART. I THINK I CAN DO IT. I'M WONDERFUL.

I'm so excited for life to be happening and stuff xD

And also, I forgot that John was fun to talk to so yeah.


---

The other day, Carrie told me to get a boyfriend. Yes. Okay. Let me just do that. I'll reach into my bag full of names of all the guys who have ever sought after me and, voila, we shall have a winner. Oh wait. THE BAG IS EMPTY. WHY? BECAUSE I AM NOT SOUGHT AFTER.

That's fine, haha, I'll probably eventually date someone. But, fuck, Carrie, I'm working on it, okay? I'm not interested in anyone around me, though, so I don't know where to go from there.

*shrug*

*deep sigh*

*deep thoughts that are left unwritten*

*internal scoff at self*

*eye roll*

Okay bye before I kill someone with how annoying I am.

---

Oh. Okay. I think John just asked me out (okay, he didn't really, he just said he thinks about us dating and yeah?) and I'm not sure where to go from here. I don't really like him that way for one thing and he might just be trying to fool around with me. Also, he lives like a half an hour away so that's difficult. Hmmm. Yeah, I think I'm gonna just say no.

(you always say no)

and so I should just say yes because of that? Not because of lack of emotional connection?

(how much emotional connection are you expecting from a fifteen year old)

yeahhhh, but no. No.

This day has turned out to be slightly out of the ordinary. How nice.


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