Porky Pieman

Pies, Puns and Filthy Thoughts (18 )
2014-12-04 11:33:01 (UTC)

Amuse Yourself

No, not in a rude way, just a few ideas on how to amuse yourself without resorting to a bit of lonely loveplay.


Go to a phone/computer shop with a banana and say that you want to upgrade to an apple.

Buy a donut and complain that there's a hole in it.

Put Mayonnaise in a bowl, freeze it, serve it to your friends as ice cream.

Walk up to someone, hand them a potato, look them in the eyes, say "with great power, comes great responsibility", Walk away

Call Pizza Hut. Talk about the difficulties of being a vegetarian, then order a pepperoni pizza.

Take a desk and chair into a elevator/lift. When people try to get in ask if they have an appointment.

When someone asks you if you know what time it is, say yes and walk away.

Inhale some helium, walk up behind random people, and say "Follow the yellow brick road"

Hide in a clothing rack in a shop, and when somebody has a look shout "PICK ME, PICK ME"

Look up at the sky until other people look up too. When they do, ask what they're looking at.

Get into a taxi, shout "Follow that car" and point to a parked car

Put a sticky note on people's cars saying "sorry for the damage" then watch them look for it.

Tell someone there socks are untied and see how many people actually look down.


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