Cheese

Story of a Girl
2014-12-01 22:19:20 (UTC)

Bad Influence

I've known you since December of last year.. I've tried so hard to be nice. We almost made our one year mark of knowing each other.

You say you're depressed. I understand that; I have many friends who are depressed too. That's okay. I'm here if you want to talk about something. Sometimes you tell me you feel like dying. Sometimes I feel that way too. I try to tell you that you have so much to live for.. ALL your friends are telling you that we don't want that happening to you. You reply with, "eh." "oh." "k." I write you PARAGRAPHS whenever you're in that... mood. You don't bother reading them. You continue to reply with "._." "i guess." "ehhhhh." I just try to make you feel better. I can't suddenly make your depression go away, but I can try to cheer you up for the moment, which is what I attempt to do.

Sometimes you come & ask me for advice. I write you paragraphs... again. You don't bother reading them... again. You continue to reply with ">_>" "yeah." "oh." again.

But it's okay. You're like this & I understand.

However, this is starting to bother me... I'm hard to talk with sometimes. I don't have much to say; but I always know more than what I say. You're hard to talk with too, which frustrates me. Why do I bother saying so much to you when you'd hardly do the same for me?

I try so hard to help you. I get in TROUBLE just so I can help YOU out. But you wouldn't-- you DON'T-- do the same for me. I spend hours listening to you rambling, I spend hours trying to think of the best advice I could possibly give you.. But you don't allow me to help you. You shut me out. How the hell do you expect me to help you when you won't let me in? I don't KNOW how you feel or the way you think! I don't know any of that.. You have to tell me. Whenever I try to ask questions that would further help me help you, you just reply with "._." You don't know this, but I ACTUALLY CARE. I ACTUALLY STRESS OVER YOUR PROBLEMS. I shouldn't have to stress over YOUR problems, but I do. Do I care too much? Maybe, I don't know. I've gotten used to it though. But lately, I've just tried to push away your problems. I can't be stressing over BOTH our problems. You don't even try to do anything about your issues. All you do is complain to me about your problems, make me feel like shit because you refuse to let me help you, & the cycle repeat. Just leave everything to me, because that's how it's always been.

~
I can't ask you for advice because you ALWAYS turn it around back to you.

Me: they sold my phone & tablet. i'm so mad rn tbh.

You: yeah well, my parents brought me a $500 tablet & the newest iphone. you shouldn't complain because they borrowed mine & that's worse. :l

No. No. No no noooo. Nope. Sometimes I want to tell you about my problems... But I can't. Do you remember that one time I tried to talk to you about my parents? I don't think you do; your favorite Youtuber was much more important.

Me: Dude I think my mom called the cops on my dad & they're yelling &--

You: OMG TYLER JUST TWEETED SOMETHING AAAAAHH

Me: Um... Cool. Anyway I think they're yelling & it's getting really ugly--

You: I JUST RETWEETED HIS TWEET. XDD

Me: Good for you. I'm just gonna go now...

You: OK XDD

I don't do this to you. I don't ignore your problems. I actually stop what I'm doing to help you. I even get in TROUBLE for helping you. But you obviously don't do the same to me.

I HELPED YOU GET TOGETHER WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. I was the first to meet him. I introduced you to him. You told me you liked him. I told you I'd try to get him to notice you more... I did exactly as I said. You two hit it off... I was the 3rd wheel. But I didn't mind; you guys were my friends, & I was happy for the both of you. In chats, I knew when it was appropriate to speak, & when my cue to leave was. It was kind of strange though... Whenever I just stayed back to watch, it felt like I dragged the conversation. You would both be laughing & smiling & then I came in... "Hey guys!" "oh. hi." "heey XDD" I don't see why you guys insisted I stay, but whatever. I was happy to be with you guys. I usually just stayed quiet while you guys did your thing.

You guys broke up, & now I speak to neither of you. Your ex? We were great friends before you came into the picture. Even during your relationship, we talked every now & then. But it came to a stop. He messaged me a day after your break up, but it was just for something small. I haven't talked to him in months, & I don't plan on it.

But you? You totally kicked me out of your life. Don't think I didn't notice you deleting me off of all social media. I noticed. Your reason for doing so? I was a "bad influence" in your life, & I was restricting you from getter better.

I find that so hard to believe.

You chose friends that you knew for only a month-- MAY I REMIND YOU THAT THOSE FRIENDS WERE THE ONES TALKING SHIT ABOUT YOU. They wouldn't care if you died; they were ENCOURAGING you to kill yourself. But I'M the bad influence, right? Okay. I'm totally cool with that. I played my part in your life. It's not like you really needed me in your life, anyway, because in the end you kicked me out without a warning. If I'm being honest, I didn't need you in my life, either. You were just there because YOU wanted to be there. YOU were the one hanging around me, & you were the one complaining to me. I just wish I could take back all the time I spent on you, because you were NOT worth it. You know... I'm not mad about this. I'm a little upset though; I like warnings. If you had told me, "I don't wanna be your friend." I would have HAPPILY forgotten all about you. I'll find better friends, it's alright. But no-- no warning, you pushed me away without a warning, & that upset me. I wish you would've told me you thought I was a bad influence.

I just want you to remember the one person who was there at all times when your "friends" were convincing you to kill yourself & overdose-- the same people you complained to me about on an almost daily basis. Maybe one day they'll care about you & stress over your problems, just like I did.

Edit: 12-31-14 11:28PM You messaged me on Kik... What do you want from me?




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