dragoness

My life
2014-11-24 01:24:35 (UTC)

Messy life

I didn't do anything today. Which is becoming such a normal thing for me. I used to always be doing something, I have changed into a person who I dont even know in such a short time. I just wish I could freeze time for a bit so I can get my life back together. But I have absolutely no motivation. I know what I should do and I want to but I just can't make myself. I feel like I'm losing everything that used to mean everything to me. This is not the life I am used to living. How can just one person unknowingly change you so much? I don't think he realizes everything that I am messing up. Everyone I'm losing. Just for him. So much has happened in just five months. I think back to when I first started spending all my time with him. How EVERYONE told me that I shouldn't get too involved. That he wasn't going to be good for me. That we shouldn't be together. Should I have listened before I fell so hard for him? But if I could turn back time I think I would choose him again. I just love him so much. I NEVER thought id be one of those girls. I had been with other people but I never wanted to be in a relationship. What was so different this time? I remember feeling something unknown when we first started daring. It was something I had never felt for anyone else. Even the one I thought I loved. I just want my life back together. But I think I fucked it up too much. I'm going nowhere in life now. I'm sooooo disappointed in myself. I want to rise above all of this. All these people. This city. Why does it have to be so hard to run away and start a new life? :( I feel so invisible here. I want to be seen. I want to be heard. I want to be loved. I want to mean something to this crazy world.




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