A cipher who loves all but isn&

transparent cipher
2014-11-22 14:39:30 (UTC)

Self pity

I have been drinking and when I drink I am one of 3 people; I am either happy, depressed, or I get naked and run around making people angry at me. I can only assume if anybody reads this that it's pretty obvious I am in the depressed department tonight. That's if somebody actually cares to read this.

It's funny looking back on your life and wondering "what would you change?" I keep asking myself that all the time and what do I come up with? A lot actually. I would like to change so much in my life but would I be the same person? If I went back in time and did everything over with what I know now, could I stay sane? So many questions, like for example, could I go back and knowing what I know, be friends with my 2 best friends (I'm calling them CJ and MD) because of the life experience I have now? I am asking if you could go back and be friends with 2 five year old's and pretend to have the same values as them. I don't think I could go around thinking that doing homework of 2 times 2 is 4 is the hardest part of my life. I would go crazy.

So instead I started thinking about my past and thought "Hey this would be an interesting story." Sorry if I jump around this first entry, as I said earlier I have been drinking and I really just need to get this out. I will keep writing even if no one reads this, hopefully it'll help me get through everything that bothers me.

So as a background story, I am currently a 22 year old male and I think I am depressed. Go figure, another person who hates their life and thinks it's not fair. I'll join any club and listen to your problems because that's just who I am, I am a fixer of problems; problem is I don't have anyone around me to do that for me. I talk to people and somehow make them feel better but I've never had that kind of help. Now I'm just ranting so I'll get to the story, sorry about that.

I'm 22, a male and I feel as though I am all alone in this world. I know I'm not but I can't help it. I don't want an exuberant life of any kind, I just want an easy going life and find a woman I can fall in love with and raise a couple of kids. All I want is to find that happiness but it feels so far away that I can't even picture myself obtaining it in this lifetime. Sorry for this rant, but it helps and if you are taking the time to read this then I thank you, if you feel like it's impossible to continue just talk to me and I will help you through it, I tried to get through it alone and even though I succeeded, it was a lot harder than it should have been. Just know that sometimes a stranger is exactly what you need.




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