Uncomfortable As Fuck
"Houses" by Natalie Evans
Do you ever run away to a clearer place
clear your head
become emotionally dead
"Library Days" by Natalie Evans [DEAR GOD, SHE HAS THE MOST PERFECT HANDS I HAVE EVER SEEN]
November 20, 2014 Thursday 6:46 PM
Today sucked and ughhh I hate myself soooo much, ugh, it's awful. Extreme self-loathing, a craving for dreams, inability to get myself the fuck out of bed.
I do get up. I can't remember why, but I do it.
UGH SOMEONE SHOOT ME, I AM SO UNCOMFORTABLE AND I FEEL LIKE I'M DYING.
Being a teenager is so fun.
I hate sounding melodramatic but I really do feel absolutely terrible. I guess I'm sad. Mostly my self-esteem is so low, it's probably hanging out in Earth's mantle.
My hands are so cold and I am knocked dizzy by my own self-hate. None of my words are connecting and so these sentences probably sound crappy. I feel kinda crazy. I can't... it's like... what... full sentences...
OKAY, I NEED TO STOP. This isn't making anything better. I just feel pitiful for not being able to describe my feelings. My vision is so narrowed by these emotions. I cannot see anything I could see before. All that is in front of me is the extreme discomfort I feel now.
I must go now, to redo my creative writing essay. I'm pretty sure I pissed of Lily when I took her idea and I don't like that so I'm gonna write something else.
Although I kinda wish I weren't so confused about her being mad at me or not. Like, was she joking??? Or was she legitimately upset???
I can't tell???? I'm gonna assume she's actually mad and do something about it so I have one less thing to feel shitty about, yayyyy.