Lorin McGroom

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2014-11-19 22:45:52 (UTC)

Girls A La Americana

Sometimes before work I stop in at the mall a block away for a coffee. I have noticed that on several occasions there are three girls that seem to be there at the same time. Two of them are dressed in a local Catholic girl's school outfit and the third is dressed in jeans. They hang out near the food court and each time I look in their general direction, they snicker and giggle. Until yesterday I had to think either they liked me or they thought I was the ugliest person they had ever seen.

I have no delusions about my appearance. I am tall and skinny and probably look very English. I have dark brown hair cut rather short and I always believed my nose to be too big. So when I first noticed them snickering in my direction, I assumed what I have always assumed since coming to the U.S. I am a big tall English boy who sticks out like a wort on a witches nose.

Yesterday that all changed somewhat. Again the three girls clustered together near the food park as I sipped my hot coffee. If I even glanced in their direction they would snicker and laugh loudly.

I became distracted for a moment by a young woman with a cute little baby boy who seemed to also be interested in me. Embarrassingly, I wound up playing peek-a-boo with him to his mothers delight. He would laugh as I covered my eyes and then laugh even louder as I made a silly noise and uncovered them.

On about the third episode of this juvenile adventure I was surprised by one of the girls in the Catholic outfit planting a huge wet kiss on my lips.
"Have we met?" was about all I could think to say. Unfortunately with a rather definite English accent which seemed to work even more powerful magic on the young lady.
You would have thought I was John Lennon making my debut on the Ed Sullivan Show. She shrieked with joy and called to the others, "He has an English accent!"

The young woman with the baby smiled sheepishly and even chuckled under her breath.
"What's your name?" said the girl with the wet lips.
"Larin" I said.

"His name is Larin," she shouted across the food court to the other two.

I was sure by now the entire mall knew my name, knew I had an English accent and I imagined all eyes on me. I am sure I was blushing a colorful Scottish hue of red.

As the other two girls shyly inched their way closer she was saying, "I'm Sam, short for Samantha and this is Carrie and Denise."
"Are you English?" Sam said.
"Scottish actually," I said "but I'm from London."

"Oh my God! Like is this insane or what?" Carrie said.

I couldn't help myself so I said, "Why is it insane?"

"I mean like you are so cute and from England and like we think you are so like hot and stuff," Sam said.


Well apparently all three of them liked tall skinny boys with English accents and big noses.
By the time I had to leave for work I had been given all three girl's cell phone numbers. Two written in purple ink and one written in pink ink.
Is pink really even ink?

As I walked away, I heard " See you tomorrow," in triplicate.

I drove around the block several times to make sure I wasn't followed. All I needed was three high school girls showing up at the hotel, sitting in the lobby, crooning over me all evening.

I do however have a slightly better impression of myself at this point.

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