Troubled Heart

my "jerry springer" life
2014-11-13 02:42:29 (UTC)

These kids

I dont have close friends so this is going to be my bff. I have good kids but their drama brought on by sibling conflicts and external drama is going to give me a heart attack or an anurism. I wish they would get along, be courteous and considerate towards each other. I know this IS wishful thinking but its a pleasant thought. I used to believe that "ignorance was NOT blissful, now i believe it and crave it desperately my nerves are shot and if one of my kids causes me another heartbreaking event, i may not live to see another day. All my kids are grown. The youngest is 18 and the least of my problems. He is a good boy and i wish the other 4 would be like him. My oldest (29yrs) stresses me with his bad. Financial decisions and choices he has made that ALSO effect his wife and 3 kids. I would prefer to be kept out of the loop but it doesnt seem to the case since im his only parent. Father not in his life. My 24 yr old hasnt spoken to me in 5 years thanx to his father. I refused to speak negatively about my x but apparently that wasnt a problem for my x.
As far as my son is concerned, im the antichrist. My 23 yr old daughter is a walking example of bad choices. Anything you can think of, im positive she has done and sadly for me, im aware of many and i wish i could go back in time and UNKNOW those things. My mental stability would be in much better place. My 21 yr old daughter hasnt screwed up as bad, but she is a close 2nd. I fear for her mental health on a daily basis. She was in a mental health facility a while back after a failed suicide attempt in part due to her father and my 23yr old son. My x tried to do the same thing as my 23yr old but that went bad really quick. She no longer has contact with either which i guess is good but i do wish things could have been different. She craves a father figure and my current husband of 18yrs isnt working out. Personally, i think the reason for his attitude towards her is the fact that she IS her father's daughter. Im tired of explaining to him how his behavior towards her is destructive not only to her but me too but he just doesnt see it. My stress level is so high, that at times i find myself myself hoping for a heart attack or something else so that these feelings will finally stop forever. I dont know what to do anymore. No one is willing to concede and be the better person and because of this, im living on the edge waiting for that little push that will make all this end.




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