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2014-11-11 12:41:58 (UTC)


"Travel Song" by Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin [I have such a history with this song. After a long time without listening to it, I have re-discovered its beauty and it makes me feel so good and so sad haha]

Try to understand she's a goddess of someplace we just left
Try to understand she's got problems, son
She's got problems you can't stand

11:45 AM

I feel like a goddess of someplace I just left and there was no way to say that without it sounding dumb so I'm sorry.

I eat weird food. I just had toast with tofu dill dip on it. That's a vegan food and it's really fucking delicious. Also, right now I'm drinking a thing called Kombucha which is slightly alcoholic but not enough for it to be illegal. It's a fermented tea or some shit. It's a little it fizzy and it feels great on my tongue.

Yeah, my parents are really into vegetables and health foods and stir fries. Also, when both my sister and I were vegetarians, we all had to learn how to replace the meat in our diet and we still eat a lot of that stuff.

I've been considering vegetarianism, again. I'm not one to fight for causes, really, because I am very afraid to be very wrong. I know there are some ways that being a vegetarian can be bad. That reminds me of Ethan for some reason.

He used to be a vegetarian and he spent a lot of time around here. One Thanksgiving, me, Caroline, and Ethan (we were all vegetarians at that time and now none of us are, haha) stabbed a turkey carcass.

I really don't like turkey, haha. I don't like chicken very much either. I am picky when it comes to meat which is why I originally became a vegetarian.


I was worried people would think I was pretentious.

I hated the "why?" question. I didn't know why. I was trying new things and I needed everyone to fucking relax. Laney is a vegetarian and I wish she'd be less hardcore about everything she does. I swear to god, she never said it, but I think she looked at me as if I weren't a "true" vegetarian and she was right, haha. I ate fish but so did she.

It annoyed me when people tried getting me to eat meat. Except for when Lily tried doing it. I mean, I'm pretty sure it's impossible for her to annoy me. I love her way too much haha.

I always felt guilty when telling people I was a vegetarian AFTER they cooked me something with meat in it.

I don't have a cause. Is it animal abuse? No. Not really. Honestly, I want to feel worse about animal abuse but I can't. Animals don't deserve to be hurt since they are completely innocent and cleaner than a human can be (I don't mean this literally, I mean their SOULS).

I've seen on TV the way chickens are treated and somehow, it doesn't strike a deep chord. I feel numb to it all.

I think about it a lot, though, and it kind of disgusts me... Unfortunately, not for the animal's sake and then I feel like an asshole.

*shudders* Meat is so gross, sometimes.

I just wish that the demand for meat was lower.

Okay. I definitely want to try being vegetarian again, this time for longer, but I am afraid because I know how Laney will react. She will do that face that she always does and she'll go, "Wow. Woooooowwww."

And then when I stop, she'll be disappointed in me and it'll be like when I quit soccer. SOCCER GIRLS ARE TOO INTENSE FOR ME. Or maybe it's just Laney. She's too intense when it comes to her passions and she loves it so much that it crushes my motivation.

That sounds really dumb but I mean, the pressure she puts on it (like its an obligation and not a choice, like it's not about having fun at all) just ruins things. I wonder if I can be vegetarian without telling anyone??? Or at least without telling Laney????


So Aaron is moving later this year and she didn't think to tell me. I just found out yesterday from Laney. She's moving like an hour away because her dad doesn't want to drive back and forth to get to work.

Somehow, though, Aaron thinks she will still be able to go to our high school. Doesn't that defeat the whole "now I don't have to drive so far" purpose???

I don't know.

Everything is dumb. People are dumb. I'm going to play minecraft and wonder if I can save up enough money to buy a computer that is better for gaming. People think I'm lame when I say I play minecraft. They say, "You literally just stack blocks," and OKAY YES TRUE BUT HEY IT'S ART. Maybe not bUT STILL.

Alright. Good day.

*deep sigh*

I sigh a lot. Sometimes I think I stop breathing and I have to remind myself that oxygen is necessary for life.

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