Dinoraur.

Reality.
2014-11-09 14:49:50 (UTC)

Options.

This is going to be a weird entry.
I thought about this yesterday, and it is still going through my head.
I was with my lovely boyfriend yesterday. I think it was the last time that him and I made love. Each time, he would go in without anything on, and then eventually put on this cheese supply. I told him to be careful, just out of habbit, but I don't know if I really meant it. I didn't want him to put on a condom. I just wanted to make passionate love. I didn't want to worry about a condom, or have to take a pill. Iwanted to let it all go. To take the chance. And it sort of scared me. I honestly got upset when he went to put on a condom. I mean, I know I can't get pregnant. It's not really an option. But I want it to be. I wish we could start our lives. I don't want him to leave me in nine fucking days. I don't want to be without him. I want to make love with him, without anything. I want him to just be here. And it isn't at all fair for him to leave me.
Whatever. I don't know. It was a weird overlming feeling. And I still wish he wouldn't have used anything. Even though I know I can't get pregnant, and it's not an option, Ifeel like I don't care if I do.
Crap. This probably sounds horrible.
I'm not saying this because "if I get pregnant, he has to stay" or because of "baby fever" and crap. I just really didn't care. And I still don't.
I want him.
All of him.
Forever.
And I'm not insane for saying this. The one time he stayed the night here at my house, he asked me to just make love with him, without anything. To risk vaving a child. He wanted that. Or, so he said he did. He spent over half an hour trying to convince me. We eventually decided ongetting a pill, and I'd let him do it. That way I didn't get pregnant.
He had the whole thing figured out too. For if I was pregnant, what we would do, everything.
And I truly, truly wish we would have. It isn't the picture perfect life, but any life with him is perfect. It wouldn't he adorable to be in school and have a child. It would be hard. I'd be judged. There was a lot wrong with his plan, but the fact that he thought about it.
I just want a life with him...
I probably sound so insane.
Alright. I'lljust stop.




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