Today. . .
I found my self. Once again. In tears huddled in one of my friends arms.
I wasnt sad. I was crying to cry.
Yes this is okay. Crying is a okay way to relive feelings (though there are better ways).
But then it happed. . .
I was on my way to the room where I sit after school untill my mom decides to get me.
But of course my teacher saw me.
So I was pulled in to her room.
And asked the same questions I always get when im in tears.
"Are you okay? Tell me whats wrong."
You see those are two impossible questions to someone like me.
1. This first question seems simple enough.
"Are you okay?"
But my brain always converts the answer to.
"I dont know. . ."
Wich ultimately leads to more sobbing at a question I cant answer.
Like "how can you not know if you are okay or not?"
These days I find myself in a pool of tears when I can control something.
(Thats actually how the sobbing started but thats a whole 'nother rant)
2a. "Tell me whats wrong."
Oh gosh. . .
Well should I just give them my whole life story.
Why im so horrible at stating what is wrong.
But with through summarizing, I dont know how to tell others my feelings.
2b. Of course I have two points for this. Its because im so fucked up that there is not only one reason for being unable to answer this question.
The second relates to my point in 1.
I DONT KNOW WHAT IS WRONG. HOW CAN I TELL YOU WHEN I DONT EVEN KNOW?
And of course all of the unknown answers in this question/statement I try to smile. Hope that my fatty cheeks will somehow absorb or push away my tears.
But alas I end up sobbing and having teachers question my sanity and probally talking to my school looney officer.