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2014-11-03 17:11:58 (UTC)

Vivid ''Nightmares''

"Angeles" by Elliot Smith (or, ORRR, listen to the one by Jensen Ackles. Yes, the man from Supernatural. YES, HE CAN SING BEAUTIFULLY. WHAT THE FUCK)

All your secret wishes could right
Now be coming true
And be forever with my poison arms
Around you

November 3, 2014 Monday 4:14 PM

These past couple days have been really, really good. Yesterday, I went to a painting class with Lily, her mom, and two of her mom's friends. THEY'RE SO NICE AND FRIENDLY.

Sometimes, I don't like Lily's mom and sometimes I'm scared of her but I liked her a lot yesterday, haha. I didn't finish my painting but so far, it looks really good.

AND TODAY, I felt a lot less anxious than I was last week. I went to school and I actually talked to people and I wasn't lazy. I wanted to learn and I felt alive, invaded my ideas and art projects and wonderful colors and hopes for the future.

Very different from last week. Almost disturbingly so... Haha. No.


Saturday night - THIS DREAM WAS FREAKY AS FUCK. It doesn't count as a nightmare because the feeling of terror I had during this dream was so... detached and mild. I was scared out of my mind but it didn't carry over into waking life.

We were in these large, underground stark white tunnels. I'm not sure who I was with... Lily was one of them. She looked uncomfortable and was rubbing her eyes a lot. I suggested she take out her contacts. She shook her head no and continued itching. I saw a stream of blood in her eyeball but did not question it. She got agitated and started peeling layers of skin from her eyes (somehow, her contact didn't come off). After a few layers, her eyes no longer had whites, they were completely bloody. The blood was, like, pouring from her eyes and she was crying and peeling the skin faster. I grabbed her arm to make her stop the peeling and put back a half peeled skin layer onto her eye. She was then rushed off the hospital and I go black after that.

I re-appear in my dream world... I was in a beachside resort. The hotel reminded me of that village in the sixth Star Wars movie only without the large trees. Like, there were ladders and bridges connecting all the hotel rooms and the hotel rooms were on stilts which were embedded in the sand.

This part of the dream was kind of disturbing, too, but not in a super scary way, more like an unsettling feeling in your stomach (like The Twilight Zone kind of uneasy feeling).

Everyone I knew was in the hotel. I didn't see them all but I knew.

No one could remember how we got there or where we were from. It was like Spirited Away. Everyone was wandering around, not wondering what was happening and not questioning the strange-ness of it all.

I was the only one unsettled by everything.

I tried escaping by running up this nearby hill which for some reason was snow covered. A small, blonde kid whom I vaguely recognized was on a surfboard while holding a flag. He used the board like a snowboard but instead of leaning in general directions, he swung the flag which directed him. He only had one hand.

He socialized with me for awhile and offered me a surfboard. He was going to teach me how to use it but he got a really frightened look on his face and said he had to be home NOW or he was going to be in a lot of trouble.

I accidentally broke the flag and some time passes. Everyone had disappeared from the resort except for me. Lily ran up to me and dragged me to a hay ride while saying we had to go to the red oak tree.

The hayride seemed to go as slow as expected but we zoomed through areas like we were on a train.

We saw beautiful countryside. There were green trees and trees the violent fall colors that show up in New York.

I kept asking Lily whenever I saw a red tree, "Is that the one?" Even though I knew it wasn't.

The tree-filled countryside we rode through ended abruptly and a desert continued at its border. It was weird because it seemed to be endless when I looked to my left and right, but in front of me, it stopped and sand became the world.

On this border, the trees were HUGE and there was the red oak.

It had four rope ladders on one side, disappearing into the foliage. I expected to hear the chattering noise of people from hidden branches but there was nothing out of the ordinary, just singing birds and other nature sounds.

A bunch of people were climbing up it. Lily went but I was too scared. I was suddenly alone.

Another hay wagon rode by. I heard the singing voices of children even though I couldn't see any. There were two, faceless people on the wagon (they had faces but none that I could recognize or even remember) and they snatched me from the meadow below the red oak tree. The wagon rode into the desert as I screamed, "NO. NOOO!"

Those children's voices. Fucking creepy, man.

I managed to jump off the wagon and run across the sand (which was not easy) back to the meadow.

Leah and Marina came down a chute that was beside the rope ladders.

They were all, "WHEEE! Let's do it again!"

I asked Lily which ladder she climbed and she pointed to the first. I climbed up it, with them behind me, and in almost no time at all, I was like.. in an alternate universe.

I had arrived in a very colorful place, with shades of blue prevailing.

Next to me were three girls. Each of them wore a costume of some sort and these costumes had dicks. Penises. ACTUAL PENISES. oKay, they were colored according to the costume (and I'm talking Barney costume, not Harry Potter Costume. I mean big ass dinosaur or Chucky Cheese) but still.

It gets weirder. These girls were having sex with each other and were somehow getting pleasures through their fake dicks. I mean, they're fake dicks even had semen shooting out of them. IT WAS SO WEIRD.

I looked down at myself and wondered why my costume didn't have genitalia. I was wearing normal clothes, not a costume.

What the hell, brain? I couldn't see genitalia so I automatically assumed I had none??? I WASN'T EVEN WEARING A COSTUME. Maybe my dream logic is actually really deep.

Maybe some shit like, "Everyone is wearing a costume, a disguise. They hide themselves from the world and pretend to be something else." My sleepy self is so wise.

Later, i was staring at a rack of clothes and Aaron dragged me away, saying, "You're not a size small, anyway." And I argued that I had been looking at the hats but that was a lie and she seemed to know it.


The dream ends around here. It got so sweet at the end. Like maybe, in the end, I'll be happy. Eh, I'm reading too much into it.

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