Cheese

Story of a Girl
2014-10-31 15:18:30 (UTC)

Some interesting moments in class

Because my teachers suck but my classmates take the opportunity to make things... interesting. They definitely remove the tension. I jot down these moments quickly on my phone, to keep the memories alive. Sometimes, I just need a reminder that school isn't always so bad. :^)

I don't think anyone will ever read this, but I'll keep updating it whenever I see anything interesting. (These get interesting as it gets to the bottom. The first few are pretty boring. ;w;)

***********

09-29-14, around 9:45AM
3rd Period World History H

Renett: Wait, what? We need color pencils for this class!?

Me: Yeah. All World History classes require them.

Renett: Man, fuck this shit. Honors require color pencils, binder, AND a text book.

Me: HAHA YES. It sucks. We only have 2 class sets, yet she assigns every honors class a textbook when there's not enough for everyone? Then she gets pissed because we forget to bring our book when w don't even use it during class? YEAH, OK.

Renett: Ugh, I hate this class so much... How the hell do we color this map in!?

Me: I don't know, but I'm coloring the water first.

Renett: You're coloring the WATER first... "Bianca, are you done coloring?" "Yes miss, I colored the water!" That makes so much sense.

*us laughing for like 3 minutes*

Me: Water is important to the human race, though!

Renett: Yes, because only coloring the water will get you a perfect grade. "MISS, I COLORED THE WATER. GIVE ME A 95."

Me: YEAH, EXACTLY.

Marisol: Oh my fuckin-- *laughing*

Renett: Oh holy hell how the fuck am I supposed to color this valley yellow when all I see is squiggly lines?

Me: *holds up paper* SEE!? YOU CAN SEE THE LAND. THE WATER SEPERATES THE LAND. BAM!

Marisol: Holy shit. NOW I see why you colored that first.

Renett: COLORING THE WATER SOLVES EVERY WORLD PROBLEM.

***********

10-05-14, 9:30-ish AM
3rd Period World History H

So Renett was trying to FaceTime her friend during class, & I let her borrow my headphones.

Renett: Hello? Hello? Heeeellooooo!

Me: *turns around* I THOUGHT YOU WERE TALKING TO ME.

Marisol: SAME.

Renett: *laughing* Can't get this shiiiit to work... Hello? Hello? Hey! *class is dead silent* How can I help you?

Substitute teacher: You can help me by taking out your earbuds.

Renett: Oh... Yeah, Mister.

***********

10-14-14, 10:30-ish AM
4th Period Geometry H

*class is doing work while teacher is walking around* So basically this happened

Jason: *throws pencil at me*

Me: Who the FUCK just threw that at me? It came from... *turns around* YOU, HUH!?

Cody: I'm not even behind you, there's no one behind you! Everyone's gone in your row!

Me: D'you know who's behind me? JESUS CHRIST is.
*class is laughing even though I wasn't trying to be funny.*

Teacher: I don't know if I should call home or not..

***********

10-20-14, 8:46-ish AM
2nd Period Chemistry H

So, my class was in a different classroom because my original classroom was used for proficiencies. Basically, this teacher was teaching two classes in one classroom. Their class was SUPER small, like 10 kids.

Sub(?) teacher: Experiments with cathode rays led to the discovery of the...

Andrew: Herpes.

*me chuckling like crazy* *a few minutes later*

Teacher: The total number of orbitals that can exist at the second main energy level is...

Andrew: *muttering* ...8

Teacher: Who said 8?! *explaining why it's not 8.*

Teacher: ...Andrew, do you understand?

Andrew: Actually, I do.

Teacher: Yeah, I know you do, I was just checking. I thought you might've said 8 or something.

*class laughs*

***********

11-06-14, 9:35AM
3rd Period World History H

*Doing the daily assignment*
Teacher: The most important event in Christian history is...

Girl: The Holocaust?

*class bursts out laughing, gurl is laughing with really red face*

Teacher: *nervous chuckle* Aha.. uh... No no.

***********

12:40-ish, Can't remember the date
6th Period, English H (Pre-AP)

I really needed to go to the restroom...

Mari: You can go now, the pass is here.

Me: Where is it? Oh nevermind, it's on the building.

Mari: BWAHAHA. BUILDING?

Me: SHHH YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!

*coming back to class*

Mari: Don't forget to put the pass on the BUILDING!

***********

11-20-14, 9:36AM
3rd Period World History H

so this one kid was choking in class, & this happened

Kid: *choking or really bad couch*

Mari: Dude... You okay?

Renett: He's okay, he's just busy choking on his own dick.

Me: *makes most inhuman laugh ever*

*ten seconds later*

Renett: ... I have a friend who sucks his own dick.

Mari: *gives Renett a wtf look* ...What the fuck? Who does that?

Renett: My friend does.

Me: DONE.

***********

11-25-14, 10:06AM
4th Period Geometry H

Teacher: This class is something special... How many of you know how to subtract?

*class raises hands*

Teacher: Are you sure? Let's see how you do on your warm-up...

*5 minutes later*

Teacher: The answer is 56... 56, 56, 56... 87, 56, 56, 56, 120... *heavy sigh* How is it possible that my honor students don't know how to subtract? You know, on the test last friday... A question said 180 minus 80. Someone put 90... How?

Kody: What's 180-80?

Me: 90.

Kody: YOU STUPID.

Me: NO I NOT.

***********

12-02-14, 1:10PM
6th Period English H Pre-AP

Our teacher let us chill for the last few minutes of class. I checked up on the shipping of my order and...

Me: IT'S FINALLY HERE.

Leslie: What is?

Me: MY BOOOOOOOOOTS.

Mari: Bad bitches only thing that I like~ (some song everyone keeps singing)

Leslie: Oh really? How do they look?

Me: They look almost exactly like yours, except the touch floor thingy is grey.

Mari: ... Did you just really say "TOUCH FLOOR THINGY?"

Me: Yeah, the touch floor thingy! It's what it does!

Leslie: Wait... wut?

Mari: She said touch floor thingy!

Me: THAT'S WHAT IT IS. IT TOUCHES THE FLOOR WHEN YOU WALK. THE TOUCH FLOOR THINGY.

Leslie: The fuck? Aha~

*teacher walks by our desks*

Mari: MISTER, BIANCA CALLED THE BOTTOM PART OF THE SHOE THE "TOUCH FLOOR THINGY."

Me: I OBVIOUSLY CAN'T "ENGLISH" TODAY.

Mari: SEE MISTER, SHE CAN'T ENGLISH.

Me: I CAN'T ENGLISH AT ALL.

Teacher: Well then, start English...ing? START ENGLISH-ING.

Me: HOW DO I START ENGLISH-ING?

See, when I'm in a hurry, I just speak. I don't think. Which is why I said "touch floor thingy." Now I'm known as the Touch Floor Thingy Girl. Even though I know what it's called.

It's called the sole.
Aka, Touch Floor Thingy

***********

12-10-14, 1:10PM
6th Period, English Pre-AP (H)

Marisol was talking about a guy who "stalked" her...

Mari: Ooooooh, I wanna kill him so badly! And Dave is just so fiiiiiiine, mm! In the room across

Me: Is Dave the guy across the street?

Mari: ... BWAHAHAHAHA. ACROSS THE STREET! It's across the HALLWAY! OH MY GOSH I'M DYING RIGHT NOW

Me: *facedesk* I CAN'T ENGLISH OKAY. I DON'T ENGLISH. THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW I'M MEXICAN.

(I'd like to point out that it's a running joke that I can't "English" correctly. And no, I'm not forgetting the word Speak. I-can't-English. I usually mess up words when I speak in a hurry... ex; I can't English happens when "I can't *speak* English. ;P)

***********

12-11-14, 9:16AM
3rd Period, World History H

Leó's Russian tutor is still unavailable, so he decided to accompany me to my classes... again. I had a substitute again during 3rd period, so he decided to help me with my Portuguese. (He's basically my tutor for any language I want to learn. He's not qualified, but I just want the basics, for when I ever travel to Portugal, IF I ever do.)

El: I'll say it in English, & you reply in Portuguese.

Me: Simple enough!

El: Hello.

Me: Uh, hi? That's kind of awkward to say, when we see each other every day.

El: NOOOO, reply in Portuguese. Ei, oi, or olá.

Me: Ooooooops.. Forgot we were starting.

El: No worries, let's try again. Hello!

Me: Oh uh... olá?

El: How are you doing?

Me: I'm doing pretty good today, but I'm really nervous for the concert tonight.

El: Bianca... In Portuguese, please.

Me: SORRY. Uhhhh... Como vai você?

El: Good, good. Your pronunciation is good. Did you do your work?

Me: No, you know I never do my work! I always do it outside of class.

El: ...Portuguese.

Me: I THOUGHT YOU WERE ASKING ME A LEGIT QUESTION. I'M SO SORRY.

~~
Sometimes I wonder how he has the patience to deal with me. He'll be having to deal with me for the next language that he'll ***attempt*** to teach me. Você é muito, muito especial. :^)

***********

12-08-14, 9:06AM
2nd Period Chemistry H

Teacher: Bianca... Waiting for your answer.

Me: Oh what. I had no idea it was my turn.

Teacher: Do you have an answer?

Me: D.

Teacher: D?

Me: No, the answer before C.

Teacher: Did you say B?

Me: No, I said the answer before number C.

Guy: NUMBER C. Nuuuumber.

Me: Shh.

Teacher: *sighing* Someone's trying to be clever with their avoidance.

***********

12-18-14, 9:30AM
3rd Period, World History H

I was looking through Renett's drawings.. Renett likes to draw pr0n. (Yaoi, specifically. She draws... DETAILS.)

Me: *sees a very explicit photo of guy-on-guy action* O-oh. *hands back drawing to Renett*

Renett: BWAHAHA YOUR REACTION. "Oh, that's just nice. Yep."

***********

12-18-14, 9:58am
End of 3rd Period, Passing Period

Me: YAY I'M THE SECOND ONE OUT! *kid from class next door bumps into me as I put lead back in my pencil, lead stabs me & makes a huge cut on my hand* HOLY FU-- ow.

***********

12-18-14, 11:01am
A Lunch

Jake went to the Publications room to pick up some papers that I need printed. When I left class, we met up in th Cafeteria, but the Jaguettes were doing a dance number & the whole room was renovated to give them a "proper" area to dance in. It took him a while to finally find me, after navigating through the crowd.

El: Hey! I finally found you.

Me: I've been trying to find YOU!

El: Sorry. I would've gotten here earlier but all I saw was ass... But yours is better.

Me: The best save of 2014.

*13 minutes later 11:14am*

Me: Look at those freshman acting like they're tough shit... You're aLL FUCKING FAGGOTS. *whispers* just kidding, I love you all.

El: But... You were a freshman once.

Me: I was kidding but... I didn't act like I owned the world. I also wasn't as short as them!

El: But... you're still short. You haven't grown an inch!

Me: Oh my god bye. I can't joke around with you.

El: aHAHAHAHA NO COME BACK

*3 minutes later 11:17am*

Me: Add a lil' bit of mayo & a lil' bit of ketchup & you shake it-- shake it up!

El: But why eat it with mayo & ketchup when you can eat it with ranch?

Me: Bye.

************

01-05-15, 2:01PM
7th Period, HS Advanced Band H

It's our first day back from winter break, & we already have two new concert pieces. The first piece is incredibly easy; I have 80 measures of rests. I don't come in until close to the end of the song. The second piece is... "Fuck this shit. I'm done." All I had to do was look at it to know that I wouldn't be able to play it. My instrument has 5 sharps in this song, & it starts off rapidly. We have cues in this song, & I absolutely hate the cues because they're all low notes & higher octave notes. We were all playing from measure 99, since there was a rest at measure 100. After playing measure 99 a few times, the director realized that we were all struggling to sight read.

Director: Guys, what's the problem?

Me: *raising hand*

Director: Go for it. What's the problem with it?

Me: I've got 99 problems, & the music is all of them.

I shit you not, the director stormed outside & came back a minute later.

Director: I can't take you seriously.

Jazzy: We have 5 flipping sharps! We've never played anything at this pace before, either.

Me: I said that literally two minutes ago.

***********

01-06-15, 1:23PM
7th Period HS Advanced Band H

Me: *raising hand*

Director: Yes, Bianca?

Me: Is mayonnaise an instrument?

Director: *sighs, giving me the "Are you fucking kidding me?" face* No, Bianca, mayonnaise is not an instrument.

Me: *raises hand*

Director: No, lemo--

Me: I was going to ask if we culd study, but okay...

***********

01-07-14, 9:37AM
3rd Period World History H

I was hungry.

Mari: Bianca... why are you eating cereal?

Me: I'm really hungry.

Renett: ...She's eating cereal out of a fucking bag. A. FUCKING. BAG.

Jocelyn: You're all worrying about the wrong thing.

Mari: What?

Me: *eating cereal*

Jocelyn: She has a friggin' ziplock bag full of MILK. And she's pouring that bag into the OTHER. Seriously?

Me: I'M REALLY HUNGRY, THOUGH.

Renett: I can't with you.

Mari: You don't even have a spoon.

Me: I DON'T EFFING CARE. I'M HUNGRY.

Renett: Let's not forget about the time she made herself a sandwich in detention.

Mari: ...I didn't know her back then. What happened?

Renett: We had detention for not turning in our work. She literally pulled out mayo, ham, & other shit & made herself a sandwich.

Jocelyn: Where the hell did she get the ingredients?

*they're all staring at me*

Me: I was really fucking hungry. YOU GUYS ARE ATTRACTING ATTENTION.

Mari: Why couldn't you just bring a bowl to class? You wouldn't be eating cereal out of a bag.

Renett: And why couldn't you put the milk in an empty bottle instead?

Jocelyn: EXACTLY.

Me: Because if I had a bowl, I'd make it obvious that I have food. But with this bag, I can hide it in the pocket of my cardigan & the teacher won't notice.

Renett: I LITERALLY CAN'T RIGHT NOW.

***********

01-07-15, 10:42AM
4th Period Geometry H

I was taking some notes during class when my hair decided to be stupid by falling all over my face. I was tying my hair up in a ponytail when--

Teacher: Bianca, you're fixing your hair...

Me: MISS, my hair's getting in the way. I'm just tying it.

Teacher: You need to focus on the notes. You are already pretty. Leave your hair alone.

Kody: Miss, you don't gotta lie to her.

Me: ...Detention isn't worth what I plan on doing to you.

...Or maybe it is worth it.

***********

01-08-15, 7:02AM
Passing Period

Well, Stephen's back & he's been following me around school with his visitor's pass.

Me: Hug meeeee.

Stephen: *clicks tongue* Or naw.

Me: Hug me, you stupid lil' boy.

Stephen: And if I don't?

Me: I'll show all your friends your baby pictures.

Stephen: Aw come on, I know you're not that popular.

Me: Two words: social media. Social media will do that for me, my good friend.

***********

01-08-15, 8:03AM
Passing period

Stephen: Bitch.

Me: Did you say something?

Stephen: Nope.

Me: No no, I heard you say something.

Stephen: Nah, you heard wrong.

Me: Come on, what'd you say?

Stephen: I didn't say anything.

Me: Tell meeeee.

Stephen: Tell you what?

Me: What you said.

Stephen: I didn't say anything.

Me: Whatever you say, bitch.

***********

01-16-15, 6:59AM
Passing Period

Guy & Sebastian were waiting for me in class already.

Guy: Yo. You look comfy today.

Me: Hiya. And yeah, I thought I'd wear sweatpants because it's the last day of testing, it's Friday, so fuck it. Ya know?

*2 minutes later*

Sebastian: What the...

Guy: What?

Sebastian: Aye B, where the fuck did you... you get that banana from?

Me: I'm really hungry. *bites banana while staring at him*

Sebastian: ...Oh.

Leslie: *running in* BIBI ARE YOU BUSY?

Guy: She's busy choking on a dick. Go away.

Leslie: What.

Me: *stares at Guy while eating banana*

Guy: This is making me feel uncomfortable.

Sebastian: ...I NEED TO GO TO THE RESTROOM.

***********

01-27-15, 10:27AM
4th Period Geometry H

Teacher: Best behave because I will be gone on Thursday.

Me: *whispering too loudly* Yessss!

Zach: HA, deadass Bianca doesn't know how to keep quiet!

Teacher: I'm sure many of you will be upset. *glares at me*

***********

02-02-15, 9:08AM
3rd Period World History H

So we had a substitute today... thing is, this substitute is super hot & young. If I think he's hotter than El, then..

Me: WE HAVE A SUB. GUYS. GUYS GUYS GUYS WE HAVE A SUBSTITUTE. BEST FUCKING CLASS SO FAR! WE HAVE A SUUUUUUB.

Joel: So we have a sub today... Got it.

Me: NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. WE HAVE A SUBSTITUTE WHO'S HOOOOOT.

Guy: Looks like someone has the hots for the sub... Jailbait.

Jacklyn: HALLELUJAH WE HAVE A SUB.

Reyes: We have a sub!?

ME: WE HAVE A SUB.

Entire class: WOOHOO!

Sub: I'm guessing you don't like your teacher...?

Me: NO, WE ALL HATE HER.

***********

02-03-15, 3:45PM
After school practice

Director: I don't know how else to say this... Don't blow your load early! It's making the music sound bad & it's all brass & tenors.

Guy: *playing tenor* Miss... You asked me a while ago to tune my instrument.

Director: Correct.

Guy: Technically... Does that mean you're asking me to... pull out?

Director: *drops baton* CAN'T.

Me: Eww the spit comes out if you play at an angle.

Guy: Don't swallow.

Jazzy: DONE. DONE. THANK JESUS FOR SPIT VALVES.

it's funny bc band jokes.

***********

02-04-15, 10:43AM
4th Period Geometry H

Me: I went for Patriots.

Guy: You suck.

Me: And you swallow.

Guy: *choking & laughing*

Kody: OKAY, I WOULD NOT HAVE EXPECTED THAT FROM HER.

Jy: You're Mexican, right?

Me: No. *shaking head*

Kody: Can't tell if she's being serious...

Jy: You sure?

Me: I'm so sure.

Jacy: Hey, you got some gum?

Me: I don't have any.

Guy: You know she's Mexican when she's hiding gum inside her sombrero.

Me: IT'S A PROP FOR CLASS.

***********


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